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Kimball C. Bender, M.S. MFT
PMB #361 - 9594 1st Ave NE Seattle, WA 98115-2012 |
 MISSION STATEMENTMy goal is to facilitate the divorce process in a way that contributes to the future emotional and financial health of the couple and their children. Divorce can be painful, but it can be made less painful for everyone when couples can begin the healing process by mediating and focusing on resolution.
Mediation is a way of negotiating agreements and can be useful in many different settings, not just divorce. Mediation can be very helpful for parents who find themselves “at war” with their teenage children, because it is a process of finding solutions to issues rather than being a power struggle. Mediation can also be helpful in the workplace because it brings people together to problem solve in a non-threatening setting. Learning mediation skills can be a lifelong tool for anyone to use whenever conflict arises in the family or workplace. A mediator is not an arbitrator or a decision maker; a mediator facilitates the couples' process of coming to agreements.
Many couples feel that agreeing on anything is impossible when divorce is imminent because anger and other emotions seem to get in the way. Often, the need to “get even” or to be heard feels very important to both partners, which is certainly understandable. After all, the most important people in the relationship are the couple and their children. Most would rather feel heard by their spouse as they move through the process of undoing the marriage rather than a judge or an attorney with whom they share no history. A mediator's role is to facilitate this process with couples and to help them come to decisions about their future as a divorced family. Children in divorce also need to be heard and to have a voice regarding their future with their parents. Most of all, they need to feel free to love both parents after divorce rather than feeling “divided.” Research has shown that children experience fewer long term effects from divorce when parents continue on with a respectful and friendly relationship.
Divorce mediation is an alternative to using attorneys. A mediator will conduct sessions with couples to decide upon how they will parent their children, what child support will be and how they will divide the marital assets. The mediator can help the couple agree by keeping them focused on generating options, by helping them understand what the laws are relevant to certain issues and by referring them to experts if the need arises. Generally, a divorce can be completed in 8-10 sessions, each lasting between 90 minutes and two hours.
Mediation is usually far less costly because couples don't have to hire two separate attorneys to represent them. Mediation can be done by one mediator or a mediation “team,” and the costs range from $150.00 to $250.00 per session. My fee is $165.00 per 90 minute session and I do not ask for “retainers,” since couples are free to leave mediation if they feel it is not working for them. The additional costs for the couple are filing fees and fees for using expert professional services if necessary, such as for valuation of assets or final review of property settlement agreements. Overall, a couple seeking divorce can expect to spend about $1,200.00 in mediation excluding costs for filing fees and outside services. Since the couple is essentially in charge of decision making, mediation can move as quickly as they want it to. If couples get “stuck” on an issue, the mediator's role is to keep them solution focused and to help them work through issues that are keeping them from agreeing. If couples are very motivated and have few assets, they may only need 5 or 6 sessions to complete the process.
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