The Navy Finance Center will not pay a spouse directly on the basis of anything other than a court order. You cannot ask them to pay you the amounts set out in the BUPERS manual or the DoD Pay Manual. You cannot send them a copy of your signed, notarized separation agreement and ask them to pay you the support your sailor agreed in writing to pay. If your sailor isn't paying you, the only way you can make her pay is to go to court.
Note:This time around, we'll have a civilian husband and an active-duty wife. This is not just "politically correct." A man in that situation may find it very difficult to get anyone to take him seriously when he says he needs support from his wife. He will probably have to go to court for it
In the Hampton Roads area, you should contact the Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court in the city where you live. The court has intake workers who will help you complete the paperwork necessary to file for custody of your children, child support and, if you need it, spousal support. There is usually no charge for these services. You will have to wait four to eight weeks for a hearing, depending on how busy your city's court is. Your sailor will have to be served with notice of the hearing date, and proof that she has been served must be returned to the court before the hearing. If it isn't, the hearing will have to be postponed. If she's deployed, or TAD, or otherwise out of this area on military orders, you'll have to wait until she returns here to take any legal action against her.
Note: If someone has moved to another state under PCS orders, contact your local office of Child Support Enforcement. You can get a child support order through an interstate system, but expect to wait many, many months before you actually see any money.
When asking for child support, you should be aware that Virginia has very specific guidelines that are based on the combined gross monthly incomes of both parents. So when you talk to the court's intake worker, ask for a subpoena to require your sailor to bring in her most recent LES and her last LES for the previous year. (The last year's LES will reveal any bonuses that might not show up on a current LES. And don't forget to add the annual uniform allowance, for enlisted personnel. Divide annual payments by 12 and add them to her monthly income in figuring her child support obligation.) Obviously, you'll also be expected to provide evidence of your income.
Note: If husband and wife both work, the court may award spousal support from the spouse with the greater income to the spouse with the lesser. You are not automatically entitled to it, however. (And, to be honest, husbands in Virginia seldom receive spousal support.) Make a list of your monthly living expenses, as well as any debts from the marriage, to show the court why you need the money.
A word of warning. If your spouse shows up with an attorney, and you don't have one, you're probably outgunned. The judge will ask you if you would like the case continued (that is, postponed) so you can get an attorney, too. It's probably a good idea to say yes.
A hearing in Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court is NOT a divorce proceeding. You can be awarded only temporary support and custody. But that award is a court order, and the Navy will honor it and pay you directly. (You can also get an administrative order for child support through Child Support Enforcement, which the Navy will treat as a court order. There is no charge for the services of CSE.)
All the above is the good news. The bad news is that the Navy will not pay court-ordered support directly until your sailor is in arrears by an amount equal to two months' support. And they'll want a letter from the court, CSE, or a similar state official verifying the arrears. After they get that letter and a copy of your original court order, they'll give your sailor another 30 days to consult with her legal officer before they begin processing an involuntary allotment.