Thanksgiving is the most American holiday. As with so many other families, it is the one tradition and I have always honored--through dating years, marriage, divorce, single parenting, remarriage, a blended family, and with passing years the inclusion of grandchildren. As I have aged, my Thanksgiving table reflects our family's increasing numbers of young ones--our contribution and legacy to America's future. Some Thanksgivings have been better than others. Some years were so awful it was difficult to experience true gratitude. Some years were so joyous that I and we couldn't seem to give enough to those we loved and to strangers in need. For me, as I imagine it may be for many of you, this year's holiday is one of mixed blessing.

I find myself grateful to be healthy and alive and to know that at this moment no one in my immediate family is ill or suffering. Although our Thanksgiving table had fewer filled seats than last year, we are fortunate that it was due to positive expansion rather than loss. After all, our grown children, as do all grown children, must establish their own Thanksgiving tables, develop their own traditions and take into consideration other parents, stepparents, grandparents, extended family, friends and "stray cats" who need a meal. No one was missing because of normal illness or death and no one was missing due to our extraordinary national circumstances resulting in a terrorist related death or a military commitment. No seat was empty because of anthrax or bioterrorism. This year we are among the lucky ones. I am keenly aware that next year, this may not be so. I hold this knowledge deeply embedded in my heart

Among the life lessons I have learned is that it is essential to fully and joyfully appreciate good times, for life always also presents difficult challenges. I have heard tell that one is never given more than they can handle. I don't know that that this is necessarily true. Some of us are capable of coping with painful, almost unspeakable events in ways that make us better human beings and strengthen our characters. Some of us experience wounds so deep and fall so far, we aren't quite sure we will ever get up. And, some of us don't. What seems most true is that until time has intervened and we have distance from the traumatic event, we rarely know whether the event remained a lemon or whether we turned it into lemonade.

For example, a couple with whom I am close dealt with an unanticipated event differently from each other, yet in their own ways, positively. Sarah, put it this way, "When Bill got ill, I said to myself, God put me on earth to take care of Bill and that is what I am meant to do." I had never known Sarah to believe in God and I was surprised at her spiritual conversion. It gave her patience, serenity, and generosity that she had never had before demonstrated. The way she handled Bill's illness changed her life for the better. Bill, who had been a devoutly religious man, lost his belief in God, but never his courage nor his humanitarian spirit. Devoid of his religious beliefs, he continued to be a role model wisdom and grace. On the other hand, after his wife Becky's death, Jim, an overtly charming and seemingly independent man, became bitter and sullen and soon followed Becky to the grave. One of my grandmother's aged way before her years demanded, the other aged as a sage and continued to be a joy until her last days.

This year, we as we settled into our family tradition of having each individual speak some words related to why he or she was thankful, I listened, and I too spoke. In addition to feeling grateful for an abundance of love, I found myself talking about being thankful for non events such as no more terrorism, no more killing, and hopefully, no more war. As I thought about family, friends, extended family, clients, strangers and the world at large, I also found myself thankful for beliefs I had not voiced often enough. As unbidden tears welled up, I spoke of how proud I was to be an American. About how after September 11th, I relished my New York roots, and how I too developed a love affair with firemen and policemen. I spoke about feeling safer while also learning to live with planes overhead and sleepless nights. And, I whom some might consider apolitical spoke and found myself speaking about my appreciation for democracy.

My family is accustomed to my ability to go off on unexpected tangents. Some members roll their eyes with that "there she goes again look of exasperation" while others listen raptly and respond. Certainly, several children were far more interested in digging into their turkey than listening to my discourse on gratitude for non-terrorism. Our family reflects our nation. We disagree and agree, some times silently and other times loudly. I am grateful to be part of a family that works at tolerating diversity and I am grateful to be an American. This year feelings and ideas about family values, national affairs and non-terrorism co-existed with our Turkey tradition.

This column's for you,

Dr. D.

Dorree Lynn, PH.D.

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