Thomas Jefferson only promised us life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, never its total attainment. While there is no question that a positive attitude and a view of life's cup as half full instead of half empty helps to sustain our spirits, build binding relationships and improve our health, if I am given one more book that promises to achieve eternal bliss in ten easy chapters, I may scream. Or, at least toss it in the trash without ever opening it.

In my view, life is a wonderful adventure filled with myriad opportunities for growth and joy. But, as the old saying goes, “You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs.” Why do we keep promoting the idea that life is a piece of cake with no possibility of ptomaine poisoning, or that it's a walk in the park with never a mugger lurking in the dark? What is wrong with our society, so that quick-fix books and aphorisms are swallowed whole? Why do we so often seem to go brain dead when a new miracle cure is touted and we grab it with little evaluation of its validity? Often, we shell out hard earned money in hopes of immediate return on the product offered, be it instant weight loss, elimination of anxieties, phobias and stress, or a promise of eternal happiness. Why? What ever happened to the notion of one step at a time? What is wrong with understanding that sometimes living is not eternal bliss?

Life is wonderful and it can be a wonderful life if we are lucky and strive to make it so. But, there are few for whom it is easy, and even fewer who have never been pierced in their heart by an unexpected arrow, or felt their shoulders knot up because they are carrying one stress too many. For some, they may even take on or be handed the proverbial straw that breaks their back. Miracles may happen, but for most people, these magic moments are sandwiched between life as it really is: jobs, relationships, money issues, children, too hectic schedules and too little love and support.

Let's get real. During the course of a year, one fifth of our nation suffers from some form of mental distress. Depression is so common that it affects one in ten American adults each year. Psychological problems contribute to 60 percent of all absenteeism from work. And, nearly half of all American families have had a member in psychotherapy. We know that the spiritual, physical, and emotional aspects of us are as interwoven as a patch work quilt. They take time and effort to develop, the ability to “know thyself” and the ability to reach out to others for help. It takes us a long time to become who we are. Why do we persist in believing one thunderbolt saying, book, or drug, will change us overnight? Thunderbolts come with lightening and lightening kills. Unfortunately, I have personal knowledge of this devastating possibility.

So, I plea, in your pursuit of happiness, learn the skills to handle the down times. Take stock of what you contribute to your own unhappiness and to those around you. Honor yourself and give yourself the requisite time to change. Quick fix mottos and instant PR messages often do little more than increase your guilt for not “getting it right the first time.” Patience, self, acceptance, and love matter. None of these qualities instantly emerge. Accept joy with sacred grace when it comes your way. Acknowledge it and make it last. For, happiness is a gift, not a given.

This column's for you,

Dr. D.

Dorree Lynn, PH.D.

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