Morton Kondracke had no intention of ever entering psychotherapy. He was a Mid-western man well schooled in the gut-it-out-alone and too-proud-to-need-help tradition. To the outside world he was a well-known name, easily recognized from his TV appearances, a respected writer and pundit who spent his days talking to those with distinguished titles, members of congress, even presidents. Inside himself, he felt inadequate, unfulfilled, unable to express his love to his wife and unable to successfully parent his two daughters.

In order to cope with his feelings of inadequacy, he numbed himself - his drug of choice, alcohol. He had no friends and the private man remained quite different from the public persona. He was also a snob. There was always something wrong with everyone else that precluded their being worthy of his friendship. As with many insecure people, Mort developed a secret rating system whereby everyone was either too good for the likes of him, or he was so above them, they were not worthy of his attention. Isolated from humankind, he graciously bestowed smiles on those who recognized him as he sped through airports with names that blended into one another. Not even an off the chart applause meter could fill the adulation he constantly needed for more than a mini-second. Morton was an empty man.

Perhaps fifteen years ago, Mort was faced with a decision too difficult to duck. His wife and life partner was stricken with a virulent version of Parkinson's disease. He could run away, he could remain the same or he could change. Mort says it was God who told him his mission on earth was to save Milly. I do know that Mort decided to change. Milly, who had once been a therapist, persuaded Mort to seek additional help. Perhaps, she thought God didn't have enough time to teach her husband all that he needed to learn? In spite of his best efforts to avoid psychotherapy, Mort entered individual and eventually, group therapy. It was not an easy journey for him. He still went to his Christian men's counseling coalition. And then back again to psychotherapy. Sometimes, while Milly was still able to talk, they came together, other times he came alone.

Milly's disease ravaged her and as he cared for her, Mort learned to love. A once rocky marriage became one based on profound love, a love story worth writing about. Mort's writing became part of his therapy, and as this once shy and fiercely private man told his and Milly's story and opened his heart to the world, he changed. He named his book Saving Milly. But in the process of learning to give, it was Mort who was saved.

Milly remains an amazingly courageous woman whose very presence changes those around her. If the story ends as anticipated, Milly will not live and Mort will have become the man that loving Milly made him. Mort meant to write a story about Milly, love, and the politics of Parkinson's disease. In the process, he also wrote about the wonders of what psychotherapy can do. Mort set the stage to save more people than he ever dared dreamed. As a psychotherapist, I am indebted to Mort. I hope others will read Saving Milly and learn what Mort has learned. Mort, may your arduous journey get easier and may your now open heart continue to love. I thank you for the privilege of letting me help you. You and Milly have taught me much.

This column's for you,

Dr. D.

Dorree Lynn, PH.D.

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