Your genetic makeup, personal history, and particular preferences and abilities help dictate not only how you view the world, but also what experiences may cause you concern. Some people take so much time thinking about an event that they may never act, while others confuse activity with productivity. We have all watched bathers enter a swimming pool. One person will stand on the edge for so long, deciding whether or not to jump or dive that the sun disappears and it becomes too cold to take the plunge. Another stands on the edge, splashes water on him self and slowly sinks into the shallow end. Yet another personality type strides to the pool's edge and, without noticing the water's depth or even whether someone is in the way, jumps right in. She might energetically do laps or suddenly remember that she cannot swim. What is a normal life event for one person can send another "over the edge."

Sometimes an ordinary event feels like a crisis and you "fall apart at the seams." Your parent, friends, children or spouse looks at you as if you really have "gone crazy" because the same event holds no significant meaning for them. This difference is particularly true between women and men. There is some truth to the cliché that women feel first and fix a problem second, while men solve the problem without discussion. If a man keeps fixing when a woman wants to talk, she tends to find another, bigger problem to talk about. He fixes this one too. She explodes. He feels awful, as all he wanted to do was help. Or in the reverse situation, he wants to solve his issues alone and can't understand why she is “bugging” him. Reacting differently is not necessarily a problem. Nevertheless, it is a good idea to consider whether you are simply listening to your own drum or whether you are not hearing a different rhythm. One can always benefit from learning new ways of coping.

This column's for you,

Dr. D.

Dorree Lynn, PH.D.

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