Synopsis: Searching for a therapist can be similar to searching for a mate—you may hit the jackpot on the first try, or it may require years of boring dates and unfulfilling relationships. It helps to find your professional prince or princess early, without the equivalent of “kissing a lot of frogs.” Obviously, when seeking a psychotherapist, you want to keep the search process to a minimum and find the right professional as soon as possible. Most people seeing a therapist for the first time have no idea what they are looking for, and therefore can be unhappy with the results, or lack thereof. You want to be one of those to get it right the first time around, thereby avoiding painful lessons along the way.

Use Your Brain, Trust Your Heart, Trust Your Gut

You may already have a sense of what psychotherapy is and the kind of help you want. Chances are that you have read the book or listened to the tape of Chicken Soup for the Soul, Mars and Venus, or one of the other popular self-help books/tapes that abound, or perhaps you spent last August reading a "shrink" story like August. Psychologically-oriented themes from movies such as Ordinary People, Awakenings, Prince of Tides, Good Will Hunting, Analyze This, or American Beauty may flash through your mind. Or, you may remember a TV segment from Oprah, an episode of Law and Order, Frasier, Ally McBeal, or The Sopranos that deal with the confusing feelings related to getting through life. Whatever your reaction—laughter, tears, or an impatient shrug—your memory has stored a lot of information about what you like and don't like and what you think will or won't work for you. Since you may not have much experience putting all this information to good use, the task may seem overwhelming. Few of us really know how to navigate the tricky mental health maze. We desperately long to feel better. Instead, we often feel crazy as we try to get sane. Most of us make the mistake of spending more time deciding what pair of shoes to buy than selecting the person who will help us sort out our life. We crave guidance but, too often, finding the right therapist seems like one more time-consuming task, one more stress-inducing chore to add to our already endless "to do" list. We all have a secret, or not-so-secret wish to have “gain without pain." My years of experience have taught me that if you put some initial effort into this important choice, it can make life easier in the long-run. It is well worth it. Searching for a therapist can be similar to searching for a mate—you may hit the jackpot on the first try, or it may require years of boring dates and unfulfilling relationships. It helps to find your professional prince or princess early, without the equivalent of “kissing a lot of frogs.” Obviously, when seeking a psychotherapist, you want to keep the search process to a minimum and find the right professional as soon as possible. Most people seeing a therapist for the first time have no idea what they are looking for, and therefore can be unhappy with the results, or lack thereof. You want to be one of those to get it right the first time around, thereby avoiding painful lessons along the way. Mismatches between clients and therapists occur, more often than therapists care to admit. Disastrous results can occur when a potential client doesn't do his/her homework or doesn't ask the right questions. As much as you may want the person you've picked to be right for you, it is important to remain vigilant until you are certain. Don't sweep small irritants under the rug. Remember, good therapy is a mutual process and you are ultimately responsible for your choice. A well-educated couple came to me in a last ditch attempt to save their marriage. They had been married for twenty-five years and, although they still had a passionate sexual relationship, verbal communication had become almost non-existent. Two years earlier, their valedictorian daughter had attempted suicide with an overdose of Ritalin. Bewildered, they knew they needed help, asked their local hospital for a referral, and promptly got their daughter into therapy with a well-credentialed psychiatrist. The parents' only involvement was to pay the bills. Fixated on their daughter's problems and without the therapist's input, they never considered that they, too, might need help. Several years of self-recrimination and secret blame had brought them close to separation. After their daughter's third suicide attempt, without explanation, the doctor sent the parents a registered letter removing himself from the case. No matter how good this therapist may have been for others, he was a bad match for this family. His orientation was to ally with the patient and he did not believe it appropriate to have contact with other family members. Left to their own devices, the parents weren't able to understand the reasons for their daughter's suicide attempts, nor did they know how to evaluate her progress in therapy. Because they didn't realize that they had a right to more information, they were unaware that they could seek out a professional who would meet with the entire family, one who would consider their needs as well. Imagine how you would feel if your child or someone you love attempted suicide and not know why. I shudder at the very idea. No wonder the parents found themselves driven to the brink of divorce. Fortunately for this family, a better therapy match resulted in a happier-ending. The couple stayed together and their daughter got well. It's nice when therapy can result in a happy ending. This column's for you, Dr. D. Dorree Lynn, PH.D.

On The Couch with Dr. Dorree Lynn FAMILY LAW Advisor® HOME PAGE These articles are provided for informational purposes only. No materials posted here are intended to constitute medical advice, which by necessity, must relate to each person's individual situation. This site does not constitute a patient-professional relationship. You are urged to seek help from a local mental health professional concerning your specific circumstances. No information or materials posted here are intended to constitute legal advice, nor can we guarantee the accuracy of posted information, especially as to each individual situation. LawTek does not independently check the information contained herein and does not refer or endorse any product, service, or firm. This site does not constitute an attorney-client relationship; local counsel should always be consulted. © 2000 LawTek Media Group, LLC all rights reserved

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