Synopsis: Many states have enacted stringent "deadbeat dad" laws and more states are following suit. In many states, before they will issue a driver's license, a computer check is run to see if there is any outstanding child support due. The laws are changing in two ways. They are giving fathers more custody and visitation rights and they are requiring more paternal responsibility. It is no longer as easy as it once was for a mother to gain automatic custody or for a father to abandon his children. Dads when you want to "get out the back Jack and hit the road and run,” think twice. The repercussions can last forever.

Don't Be A Deadbeat Dad

For over five months, the media has bombarded us with episodes from the life of Elian Gonzales. Viewing or reading about this heart-tugging story touches us more than watching our favorite soap or TV game show. This family feud has a cast of thousands that includes people in power as well as powerful personalities. We root for our side, offer opinions about what should be done and we identify with whomever we see as wearing the bad black or good white hat. Meanwhile, an innocent six-year old boy who watched his mother drown is living without his dad. The struggle of, Elian's father, Juan Gonzales, to regain custody of his son has pulled at the heart and soul of many whom once abandoned their own daughters and sons. Many of these fathers have written to me wanting to know how they can repair the damage they once inflicted on their children. Children don't understand the reasons for abandonment. In a child's world, a parent is supposed to be a good caretaker, someone they can rely on. Children tend to believe it is they who have erred, and if only they had been different, their father would have stuck around. Abandoned children tend to become sullen, cry or rage and secretly "know" that the reason their parent left them must be their own fault. For many of these fathers it is too late to make amends. Their children have new stepfathers who have nurtured and raised them. Or, their daughters and sons have felt so abandoned that any chance of reconciliation is close to impossible, wives and ex-wives have been so hurt, they have turned against the men they once loved. When a father abandons his children, everyone suffers. But, the legal issues are not the ones that wreak havoc among families. It is the emotional wounds that are embedded in all involved, especially the children that remain long lasting. These psychological scars are often too deep to heal. I wish I could help more of the men who have turned to me for help, as they are suffering for past actions that have resulted in current pain. For some, they can try to develop a relationship with their children, for others it is too late. Let us all learn from the Elian story. Let us cheer a father who is fighting for his son and who is not willing to abandon him. A frightened six year old will cling to almost t anyone who seems to offer a safe harbor in a wild storm. We don't know how this particular family feud will affect Elian in the long run. What we do know, is that in a world of "deadbeat dads," his father isn't one of them. Dads when you want "get out the back Jack and hit the road and run,” think twice. The repercussions can last forever. This column's for you, Dr. D. Dorree Lynn, PH.D.

On The Couch with Dr. Dorree Lynn FAMILY LAW Advisor® HOME PAGE These articles are provided for informational purposes only. No materials posted here are intended to constitute medical advice, which by necessity, must relate to each person's individual situation. This site does not constitute a patient-professional relationship. You are urged to seek help from a local mental health professional concerning your specific circumstances. No information or materials posted here are intended to constitute legal advice, nor can we guarantee the accuracy of posted information, especially as to each individual situation. LawTek does not independently check the information contained herein and does not refer or endorse any product, service, or firm. This site does not constitute an attorney-client relationship; local counsel should always be consulted. © 2000 LawTek Media Group, LLC all rights reserved

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