Physiologically, they are reacting to their world in a very different way than the attorney who is sitting there trying to understand their situation. Rationally, this is expected, but in all likelihood, the attorney is not thinking about that at all. Yet, the physical state of the client is effecting the attorney’s ability to work effectively with them and get the job done.

What To Do? Observe their breathing, their pupils, voice quality, mannerisms, and expression of ideas. If the client’s breathing is rapid, perhaps they are sweating and they’ve been in your office for half hour or so, then you may want to pay attention. Their physical state could signal an adrenaline rush, suggesting they are really in a traumatized state. If you want to accomplish something for this client now, you may want them to calm down.

Tell them to relax in a calm, quiet voice; tell them you are there to help them and regardless of their situation you can help; tell them you have helped many others in similar situations. Remember don’t tell you have helped people in worse situations, because to them, there is nothing worse and besides, in their mind, you don’t know the half of it. Express to them that you know that this is a difficult time and a stressful situation; what they are experiencing is normal and their reaction is to be expected.

You take a deep and relaxing breath; encourage the client to do the same. By the way, their condition is very contagious; therefore, you need to monitor your own state. It is very easy to get caught up in their condition and before you know it, you may be getting excited, agitated, irritated, etc. The breathing not only helps you, but it provides a model for the client. If you, the attorney, are relaxed, then it must be safe to be relaxed. And you are showing them how to do it.

Give them a drink of water and you take one as well. Again, you are providing a model and the water actually is a calming source. It provides all kinds of positives for the situation, again, for both of you.

Feature Article:
I’ve been getting e-mails about how does the alienated parent get united with the child or children? How quickly? In some cases people are told to wait, don’t do it now. Keeping in mind that PAS is a form of emotional abuse, the issue of reunification comes up. I have to go back to Dr. Gardner’s books and articles to respond. After all, he wrote the book on Parent Alienation Syndrome (PAS), literally and figuratively! According to Dr. Gardner, there are 3 types of PAS with 8 primary symptoms. The types are Mild, Moderate and Severe. Dr. Gardner recommends legal and psychotherapeutic approaches to each situation. The therapeutic approaches are: for the Mild PAS, none are necessary; for the Moderate PAS psychotherapy by a court ordered therapist; and for Severe PAS a transitional site program monitored by a court ordered therapist.

The rationale for the non-therapeutic intervention for the Mild PAS is that typically the children will visit with the alienated parent voluntarily and once the custody dispute is resolved, the children become asymptomatic. Obviously, if this situation changes then so should the recommended intervention. With the Moderate PAS the interventions can be varied depending upon the severity of the alienation and the degree to which alienating parent continues the attacks. In milder forms within the Moderate PAS, the court ordered therapist has access to the court and all parties recognize that the therapist can communicate with the court regarding continued PAS behaviors. In the milder forms of the Moderate PAS category, this knowledge is usually enough to prevent further violations. In the more severe cases within the Moderate category of PAS, the alienating parent is continuing the alienating behaviors toward the targeted parent. In these cases, Dr. Gardner is suggesting a change in custody and therapy by a court ordered therapist. The combination of limited exposure to the alienating parent and a more directive therapeutic approach is called for. While every case is different and these differences need to be taken into consideration, in general, there is little room for a let’s go slow and ease them back approach with the more severe cases. Again the therapist has access to the court and can use it as a recourse if there is no compliance or cooperation. In the Severe category of PAS the therapy is conducted by an assertive therapist who has no hesitancy in seeking support by the court.

Typically there is only one therapist involved and that person is ordered by the court to conduct the therapy with both parties and the children. That is, each parent does not have their own counselor who works individually with each parent. The treatment needs to be court ordered. Sometimes significant others in the alienating parents life may also be requested to get involved. They become, in Dr. Gardner’s words, a “therapeutic ally” and can become facilitators of the therapeutic process. Sometimes a supervised visitation arrangement is not always negative for the alienated parent. I have seen that this provides opportunities for the children and parent to be together where they may otherwise not see their children. I am referring to the cases where supervised visitation is set-up as a protection for the children because of alleged violent tendencies of one parent. This is frequently another step in the alienating process. Yet the up side is that the alienated parent can see their children. If they are open to learning how to communicate, then progress can be made. There is obviously so much on this, but I want to keep it short.

I hope this information is helpful, until next time, sincerely,

Robert A. Evans, Ph.D.