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- TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR DIVORCE
- SAVE MONEY AND MAKE YOUR OWN
DECISIONS
- THE BASIC LAW OF NO FAULT
- DIVORCE IN PLAIN ENGLISH
- Property Division
- Child Support and Alimony
- Child Custody and Visitation
- Your Rights
- STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO FILING
FOR DIVORCE
- Filing Procedures
- Necessary Forms
- Separation Agreements
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| How to File for Divorce in Michigan PDF eBook by Sidney D. Durham,
Attorney at Law |
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Now and download to your computer for only $19.95
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Chapter 1: Marriage and
Divorce
MARRIAGE – A
STEALTH CONTRACT
Unless you had a
prenuptial agreement when you got married, you entered into
a stealth contract that you probably didn’t even
knew existed. The contract consists of hundreds of pages of
law and cases for the jurisdiction where you live. It a major
undertaking involving children, support and property. And you
are presumed to know all of the terms of this contract, because
you will be held to them.
Also, the contract
is not very intuitive. It is different from any other contract
you may have signed. For example, your pay is no longer your
pay, but becomes marital property, which is distributable by
the court upon divorce. If you start a business during your
marriage, and it becomes successful solely through your efforts,
you will probably have to buy your spouse out upon divorce.
If your spouse breaks the contract and wants a divorce, he
or she may still get half, and you may have to pay your own
attorney fees and your spouse’s as well.
We all get married
till death do us part and for better or worse. We have hopes
and dreams of a long future together. No one expects to get
divorced when they get married. This stealth contract may
never affect you, as long as you stay married. But it will
govern if you ever get divorced.
COMMON
LAW MARRIAGE
Although you can
get married in a religious or civil ceremony, you have to obtain
a license from the government. In some states couples can be
married without a license by living together and holding themselves
out as husband and wife. This is called a common law marriage.
Michigan no longer recognizes common law marriages entered
into after January 1, 1957.
MARRIAGE
COUNSELING
Even though we are
divorce lawyers, we are still in favor of marriage. When a
client shows up at our offices seeking a divorce, we ask first
if they have tried reconciliation. We encourage them to talk
to their spouses, and confront the problems in their marriage
head on. If that doesn’t work, we refer them to marriage
counselors.
DIVORCE
Even if you are
the best husband or wife in the world, you may still end up
in a divorce.
Although it takes
two people to get married, it takes only one to get a divorce.
It may take longer to get a divorce if only one person wants
it, but it is inevitable.
In any group of
people there are different agendas and desires. And a group
is two people or more. So the wonder isn’t that there
are so many divorces. The wonder is that so many people manage
to stay married.
Sometimes you just
have no choice but to get a divorce. You may need to get out
of your marriage to have a better life. You may have chosen
the wrong person to marry. Or your spouse may demand a divorce.
Divorce is a way
of ending a marriage. You have to go to court to get a divorce.
In Michigan you can have an Absolute Divorce, which means a
final and permanent divorce.
An Absolute Divorce
allows you to get remarried again, resolves all issues of custody,
support, and property, may allow for use and possession orders
of family use property, allows the court to enter an award
to adjust equity, permits the sale of property, and permits
a wife to resume a former name.
SEPARATE
MAINTENANCE
There is also a
procedure in Michigan for obtaining support and other relief
when you don’t desire to obtain an Absolute Divorce.
This is called a Judgment of Separate Maintenance. It is Michigan’s
equivalent of a legal separation. The method of filing and
the grounds for a Judgment of Separate Maintenance are the
same as those for an Absolute Divorce.
A Judgment of Separate
Maintenance permits you to establish custody, visitation and
support until you qualify for an Absolute Divorce. If you don’t
need to establish those matters, then you may not need to incur
the additional costs of this extra proceeding.
Under a Judgment
of Separate Maintenance, a party is divorced from bed and board,
but not from the bonds of matrimony. Therefore, the parties
are still married. But they have the right to live separate
and apart, and own property in their own names.
You do not have
to file for a Judgment of Separate Maintenance first in order
to get an Absolute Divorce. In fact, if the other party desires
an Absolute Divorce, then the court will enter an Absolute
Divorce instead of a Judgment of Separate Maintenance.
Judgments of Separate
Maintenance are often granted for religious or health care
reasons. Since the parties remain married, one spouse can continue
on the other spouse’s health insurance. This is especially
important when there are significant costs for prescribed drugs,
or one spouse has a pre-existing condition that might prevent
that person from obtaining insurance at all.
ANNULMENTS
Annulments are granted
by the court only in certain rare cases. The legal effect is
to void a marriage from the very beginning--as if the parties
had never married.
A divorce says this
marriage is ended. An annulment says this marriage never existed.
Annulments are rarely granted and usually there has to be some
kind of serious fraud involved. So you are better off in most
cases getting a divorce.
Religious annulments
are easier to obtain, and you may request one even after you
have a legal divorce from the court. You may want to get your
spouse’s agreement to cooperate in a religious annulment
or divorce, but it is sometimes possible to obtain one even
over your spouse’s objection.
TEMPORARY
RELIEF
The court can also
award temporary support during the pendency of the divorce
action. There are things you may need for the court to do pending
the final trial. The court, upon request, can set a hearing
to determine the financial needs of the parties and children,
and the ability of a party to pay, and order support accordingly.
This award is subject to rehearing at the final trial. The
court can also order custody or specific visitation pending
the final trial.
THE
EMOTIONAL DIVORCE
Divorce is like
a train wreck. It is just as traumatic to the parties and the
children involved. There are enormous currents of emotions
at play during a divorce as well as major legal and financial
issues. Author Abigail Trafford describes these “Crazy
Times” in her book by the same name.
We know what you
are feeling right now, because we have had many clients who
felt the same way. Those that followed our advice have found
that they feel better today.
We distinguish between
the legal divorce and the emotional divorce. The emotional
divorce may not coincide in timing with the legal divorce.
It may take years to get over your divorce and move on with
your life. We recommend discussing your emotional divorce with
a good therapist.
Anxiety is a common
human emotion. People will find something to worry about even
when times are good. When going through a divorce, you will
find many things to worry about, and you will have good reason
to worry. Even if we tell you not to worry, you will worry.
Let us suggest that instead of worrying about your problems,
you worry at your problems. Instead of letting your mind be
consumed with worrying about how bad the situation is, you
should concern yourself with what you can do to solve the problems.
Outline your problems in writing. It helps you to focus clearly.
(Then destroy these notes.)
Depression is another
fairly common experience in divorce. If you are going through
a divorce and you feel uncertain, insecure, or depressed, then
you have a normal problem. You may want to obtain some counseling.
But if you are going through a divorce and you feel no uncertainty,
insecurity, or depression, then you may have a big problem.
You should get professional help immediately.
There are support
groups for separated and divorcing parties. You can find support
on the Internet where there are virtual communities of separated
and divorced people.
The support of friends
and family is invaluable during divorce, but we offer one word
of caution. Your family and friends will offer you advice about
your case. They will tell you about someone that got life-time
alimony or someone that didn’t have to pay any alimony.
The facts and circumstances of your marriage, divorce, children,
and property are unique and are different from any other case.
Often such advice is not correct, and you need to take it with
a grain of salt. We often hear of our client’s hairdresser
or barber being cited as an authority on family law matters,
almost always incorrectly. This is not your neighbor’s
divorce or you Aunt May’s divorce. It is your divorce
and it is different from anyone else’s divorce.
We tell our clients
that during a divorce:
Your ears don’t
work.Your eyes don’t work.Your mouth doesn’t work.Your
head doesn’t work.
By this we mean
you may not hear or understand everything we say, you don’t
always say what you mean, you may not perceive things correctly,
and you may exercise poor judgment.
Your spouse will
probably say things that will upset you. Keep in mind that
it is only what the Judge says that counts, not what your spouse
says. So when your spouse is upsetting you, we recommend using
the “Old McDonald” method. No matter what your
spouse is saying, all you hear is “EEE III EEE III OOO”.
So if you are feeling
depressed right now, or anxious, or crazy, welcome to the club.
You are not alone. In fact, you may be joining the majority.
And while this is not a particularly pleasant life lesson,
you will survive it, and become much stronger and wiser in
the process.
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