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Hi! I am new to this, so please bear with me :). I was a divorced mother of 3, now I am a remarried mother of 4. I have fantastic kids and my ex is a wonderful father. I have a couple of questions maybe ya'll can help me with. My ex and I have joint custody of our children but I have primary physical custody. He lives in Utah, and for this last two years of school, my spouse and I are residing in Utah, but have retained our residency in Idaho. My questions are 2 fold. First, I read a disturbing report here in Utah that a father picked his daughter up from school and took her to Texas where he moved to. The mother tried to file an amber alert and was told that because they have joint custody he was not kidnapping their child. she was not told he took the child out of school and she has not have contact with her child or her ex in the last 3 days, does that sound hokey to anyone else or if you have joint custody, no matter who has primary, it is not kidnapping if the primary parent doesn't know about the child being taken? Second, my current husband (happily married 4 yrs) is looking at grad school out of state, does anyone have a situation similar to this and how would i handle visitation, would it be prudent to lower child support so the kids can see him more, what should i put on the table when i present our move to my ex? Thanks in advace for anyones ideas...

The way it was explained by the lawyer to us is this....all parents have 'joint custody" but 1 parent is named the custodial parent...meaning the primary caregiver, primary residence of the child. In this case you would be the CP and your ex is the NCP. A parent pretty much has to commit murder these days to loose custody of their kid/s. If a child is on a visitation with the NCP (non custodial parent) and is not returned when the visit is over it's kidnapping plain and simple. Our case is in CA and we had a situation where the NCP took the kids to Mexico without my husband's permission...because he is the CP, she was supposed to ask him if it was ok to take them out of the country, she did not. But it has to be stated in your court orders, otherwise if the NCP takes them on a "vacation" on their custodial time it's not considered kidnapping...but the story you wrote about doesn't seem to fit that bill.

Now with the grad school thing, for that i'd ask a lawyer. When we moved up here it was to remain employed with the same company, if we'd moved just because the ex could have fought for custody. I'm not sure how it would work for schooling.