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Okay, so after all the ups and downs of this process -- uncontested, contested, DFACS, SS#s, Child support, blah blah blah -- and still no divoce papers served by him, STBX called yesterday to say that he just wants to get his over with and will sign off on whatever he needs to. He went on to tell me a long drawn out story about how he is moving out of state next year to be closer to his parents and that he really needs to be close to his family right now, etc., but that he would like to get this divorce issue resolved first. (what about your "family" here..ie, your two kids?) He plans to look for work in his new state (mind you, this new "plan" is nearly a year away) and all he wants is to be able to get the kids a few weeks out of the summer.

I am able to do a noncontested thru my legal plan at no cost to me.

My concern is that he will actually contest the child support once the papers are served even though he says he won't. My other concern is that if he really does move out of state, it will be a big hassle for me to get the divorce completed later. Another concern is that the increase in CS might push him over the edge and he would possibly quit his job, move in with his folks out of state, and I would be getting NO money until he found a job there. I offered to wait a few months to file so he could get his finances in order to prepare for the increase in CS, and he said "doesn't matter either way to me."

Would you file now if you were me? As always, thanks in advance.

I am not sure what the benefit to waiting on things is going to benefit? If he contests, he contests. I would file on the info that you have hear and now and that is relevant today. You need to get the process started on what is concrete today, and not what is speculative down the road. If things change, he can file for a modification at that time.

"My concern is that he will actually contest the child support once the papers are served even though he says he won't."

Then you should discuss with him how much he is expected to pay based on the state's formula or a little less so that he won't have to regret later. So what if he contest? The court will order regardless.

"My other concern is that if he really does move out of state, it will be a big hassle for me to get the divorce completed later."

Well, since it was him is the one who wants to get this over with, he will make effort to get it over with before the move or after.

"Another concern is that the increase in CS might push him over the edge and he would possibly quit his job, move in with his folks out of state, and I would be getting NO money until he found a job there."

The court will impute minimum wage for CS if he is unemployed. In some cases, it he volunteerily gave up a good job, the court may punish him with the full CS as if he still has that job. There is no laws forcing a person to work. Therefore, if he makes a little less, then you must accept a little less in CS.

"I offered to wait a few months to file so he could get his finances in order to prepare for the increase in CS, and he said "doesn't matter either way to me.""

He seemed to have given up. So it's up to you. If you both are really want a divorce, then the sooner the better. I heard something about tax filing purposes for reasons to delay, but it's so pitty to think about a little money save while you are going through a divorce to save your soul.

I think your STBX is in for a shock. It probably isn't going to be so easy to walk away as you make it sound.

Quitting his job will probably NOT get him off the hook for support.

It seems to me that your STBX is drawing out the current situation as long as he can because it's to his own selfish advantage.

You have children to care for, so you shouldn't be letting him get away with it.

Chances of an uncontested divorce seem pretty slim.

You said CS is going to increease. What about agreeing on a lesser amount if you can afford that. Many judges will sign off on an agreed amount, assuming it is reasonable. CS is always modifiable so if in the future the agreed amount is not appropriate you can always file a modification.

Weena, do not wait to file. File now. File according to guidelines and file for CSE to do the collections. Take everything out of your hands.

If you wait for I am not sure what, you are losing these month's of support, and will not gain back. If you wait til your ex moves, then you are dealing with an out of state situation.

File now. File now. File now. Put it in the hands of CSE to take over your case. Stop speculating on the what if. If circumstances change, than he can file for a modification. File now. File now. File now. I can't say it enough.

Thank you all for you input. I am filing next week for sure. Just waiting for the atty to call me back. Hope to have the paperwork in STBX hands by end of week.

Spoke to STBX today to see where his head is at regarding an "agreeable" amount of CS (again, trying to NOT be the greedy monster he thinks I am and just wanting to be finished with this), and do you know what he said? I don't want to pay ANY more than I'm paying now (just over $700).

Prelim CS worksheets from both our attys came up with $1180-ish. I offered $950-ish, which would be a $200 deviation. He doesn't even want to meet me in the middle, and the proposed deviation is not guaranteed to be accepted by the court(is it?)

All I can do is wait and see, and hope he signs. If he truly wants to get this done, he will hopefully cooperate. I just want enough to take care of our kids and move on with my life.

Thanks for reading. This board rocks!

Here's just one more thing to think about. I've been reading at these sites for a decade, and I've seen many cases where deadbeats were created.....they didn't feel they got a fair shake, so they they disappeared. Most of these cases have another element....either parent has moved far away, and contact with the child(ren) was very little or none......which sounds like where your ex is heading. That's 2 strikes....strike 3, and they disappear and are done. What you will find if read cases is if a parent doesn't care about seeing the children and wants to disappear and not pay....they are pretty much always successful.

Astro is correct, but they can't run forever. A lot of states have interactive computer software that will tell when a person gets a job and their wages can be garnished. Also, if they are due a tax refund, that can be intercepted to collect CS. Bank accounts can be levied. It may get to the point that they will get caught when they are older and collecting social security, which can also be garnished.

The OP is being reasonable in asking for an amount that is "in the middle" of what is currently being paid and what the courts can order. If the other parent will not budge, leave it in the hands of the court.

BTW, I am a parent who never gave up on "the system" and it finally came through for me and my children. My ex was jailed for willfully neglecting to pay child support. Mr. "I'd rather go to jail than pay you a dime in child support" just couldn't hack being in jail. The amount was purged. It is being processed through my state's agency and I should get a nice big fat check at the end of the week. Merry Christmas to my kids!!!

'Prelim CS worksheets from both our attys came up with $1180-ish. I offered $950-ish, which would be a $200 deviation. He doesn't even want to meet me in the middle, and the proposed deviation is not guaranteed to be accepted by the court(is it?)'

The deviation is usually accepted if both parties agree. In your situation, even going down a few hundred, it is still a sizable amount of support that i doubt would be questioned as sufficient.

Having said that, my advice to you is to NOT negotiate a child support amount. There are too many red flags in your posts that lead me to say follow the guidelines. When you follow the guidelines, it takes the onus off of you of having to make the decisions and being the 'bad guy'.

For example, in a attempt to keep things peaceful, you have offered to come down from guidelines by $200. This was not a sufficient acceptable amount for your ex. Hence, you are the bad guy because you offered an amount he didn't like. He will not be happy until you come down to the amount that he wants. He is not willing to negotiate, and therefor, remove your negotiating power from yourself.

Stay by the guidelines, have CSE do the collections, and stay out of the financial end as much as you can. Trust me, it is my experience that all attempts to try and help the ex, in HOPES of creating peace, don't work if that ex is hellbent on reciprocating. And all that happens is your kids get ripped of to what they are entitled to. If your ex was sincere, and wanted to keep peace, then it would not be all his way or no way regarding the support amount. Take that out of your hands....use the guidelines and let him argue as to why he should not pay that amount.