XH has basic child support of $322/mo for one child withheld from his paycheck. However...our custody agreement states that he must pay 40% of extra expenses including medical, dental, therapy, camps, extraordinary expenses including some school supplies, lessons, etc. Each item is spelled out in custody agreement.
In 3 years, he has paid $300 - for the down payment on orthodontia. He also paid alternate months of lessons, until one day he gave 2 hours notice that he would not pay any more.
I have over $600/mo in extra expenses that he pays nothing towards, and that doesn't include one-time payments like drivers education ($400), school trips (week-long, $1500 total), etc. Each year gets more expensive - my insurance premiums are going up $100/month in January (I carry the insurance on daughter as well). He owes $3000+ now and has no plans to pay.
I also give my daughter extra money on days she's with her father because he gives her nothing for prom dresses, lunch money, school pictures, year books, or any fees that happen to be due on a day when she's with him. Daughter is honest/practical/hard-working - I absolutely believe her when she tells me what she needs and why, and whether her dad contributed.
He works full time as a teacher, and remarried this year (to a woman he met online and proposed to a month later...but that's another story). He certainly has the money - I paid $50,000 in settlement cash less than 3 years ago, and he lives in an apt where he has someone to split expenses. I bought him out of family home, pay everything on my own, and am eating through savings trying to keep up with all of this.
He's the one with the Masters and the secure job, LOL.
I have a HS education and make twice his salary, but have zero in retirement savings because his pension was untouchable but my 401k was - despite his being under- or un-employed during most of our marriage before he got his certificate.
He has claimed
a) moving expenses to new apt w/then-girlfriend were more than he thought - which he didn't give me the required 60 days notice he was doing, nor did he supply me with new phone/contact info; then
b) claimed that his wedding expenses traveling to Key West were more than he thought; then
c) claimed that the $322 he pays should more than cover all those extra expenses - not understanding that's for housing/clothes/food to the standard child would have had should without divorce; then
d) said he would pay me with his summer school check (which he never did).
He continues to buy things for his new wife (I have the pages of his transactions from etsy and e-bay, LOL!), things for his hobbies (again, have public notices of his shows). Nothing towards his daughter.
Three questions:
1. Can I bypass mediation?
Our agreement says mediation first for any dispute. He has behavioral issues that I know would make mediation an absolute joke (been there, done that before I got an atty for divorce). Can I bypass mediation somehow for filing contempt and for what he owes?
2. How much should I let pile up - right now, it's 3 yrs worth, $3000+ ($2000 in last 8 months) and a file of repeated requests for payment - before it's worth getting a lawyer?
3. Can I request a modification that would include recurring monthly expenses like car insurance for daughter when she turns 16, orthdontics, doctor/therapy bills, cell phone bill (I've paid for last 5 years), increased health insurance premium, extra school expenses since he has demonstrated that he will not willingly share in those expenses as our agreement states?
Thank you!
STLMom
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