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My 13 year old daughter has decided that it is in her best interest to live with her father. She expressed that my husband and I were not giving her the attention she needed, and that she could get it from her father. He has a girlfriend with a 13 year old daughter also, and I really do think she partly has something to do with it. Her father expects us just to take what she says to heart and let him have custody of her and that be the end of it. We do have a parenting plan in place, and there are procedures to follow to change anything in this plan. Try verbal communication, put something in writing. Then mediation, counseling and then go to the courts. We feel that she is a 13-year old and shouldn't be given the sole decison as to where she lives. Before we sent him a proposal we did go and talk to lawyer at what would the best way to handle it. She advised us to make a temporary custody agreement granting him primary custody, which we did we asked him for a 90 day temporary custody, during this time they could both evaluate the circumstances and see if this is what she really wants to do. We also asked for counseling during this time, and visitation with her. He responded back that a temporary custody agreement was illegal and that the only way we could resolve anything was having the parenting plan refiled with the courts. That they only can make the changes, which is contrary to what the divorce paperwork says, the only thing that the courts have to change is the child support payments. It clearly states and encourages us to work matters out on our own and not go through the courts. That is a last measure option. But he is saying that is what his legal representation told him, which is totally opposite of what our lawyer explained to us. Has anyone ever done a temporary custody agreement before?

He also stated that his lawyer wanted me to pay him child support while my daughter is living with him. I do not work, I am a stay-at-home mom, his legal representation told him that would be no big deal. That he could take me to court and a judge would order me to get a job, since my other two children are in school, I have no excuse to work. Could this really happen?

He is very adamant that she has made the decision to live with him until she turns 18.

Your attorney has given you the correct procedure for a potential custody change in a non-emergency situation. As for child support, the court will not order you get a job, but they will order child support. If you can't pay it, hopefully you are married, and your husband will pay it. The amount is based on your past work history, or earning potential. If you have never worked, it is based on minimum wage.

Thanks, we were pretty sure that we were on the right track with a temporary custody agreement and thought what he said was way out in left field. Well he indicated he did not want to spend the money in the courts to pursue support from me. I am married, but I do not think we could swing paying him support in addition to paying the full mortgage on our marital home, which he is the primary borrower. The house is up for sale, but he hasn't contributed anything financially to it for fixing it up, to make it sellable. But that is another story!

To add, the courts are not flexible on child support calculations. Whatever the guidelines say is what is followed. If you don't pay it, they suspend your driver's or any professional licenses, put liens on bank accounts, properties, cars, suspend your Visa, etc. They intercept your tax returns. From there, or during the process, they charge you criminally with contempt of court, and jail time is possible. There is no flexibility.