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#225999 - 10/01/09 11:46 AM Re: Move away case [Re: emilyrae]
starfish Offline
Member

Registered: 07/23/08
Posts: 84
Loc: California
Not knowing why temporary custody was given to ex it's hard to say. However, depending on the reason, I wouldn't discount the fact that ex may get custody especially with you trying to move away. I think you need to be very careful.

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#226005 - 10/01/09 12:50 PM Re: Move away case [Re: emilyrae]
nnn3 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/28/09
Posts: 24
It was based on the mediation report painting a really ugly picture of me as a scorned and evil mother who was taking her children away from their father. It's easier on her job to assess the situation if someone had to be the "bad guy". The mediator made the report and then the judge just gave temporary custody to him. She made a lot of false assumptions and accused me of a lot of things such as I would take the kids away and never let him see them. It's automatic loss to me cause it's her words against mines. There's no recorder or witness to the mediation session. As I was saying earlier, I made the mistake of mixing the two up: child support and custody. He does not help me raise the kids! That makes me very angry how the system does not look at his abilities to be a parent. I figure if he can't even help me with that, then I should be able to take my kids with me. In a sensible world, wouldn't that make sense though? I'm not an evil person. I don't do drugs, I don't have records with law enforcement or CPS. Plus, my girls and I are very bonded.

There are people in certain positions that can abuse their power and discretion, turning other's life upside down. This we have to be aware of. I can't say enough of this. It's not because I'm an awful mother. This would be something obvious that people would assume if another lost custody of their children.

Innocent people who never been through the legal system to this degree would never know or understand but now I understand how the game is played.

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#226011 - 10/01/09 01:07 PM Re: Move away case [Re: nnn3]
nnn3 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/28/09
Posts: 24
If I could do that mediation over, non of this would happen because I know now what to say to pacify the system. It's just a game.

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#226023 - 10/01/09 06:04 PM Re: Move away case [Re: nnn3]
nnn3 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/28/09
Posts: 24
To those who are looking for help that are in a situation as mines:

"In the 2004 case of Marriage of LaMusga, the California Supreme Court laid out 8 primary factors that a court should consider when deciding whether to modify a custody order in light of the custodial parent’s proposal to change the residence of the child. These factors are as follows:

* The children’s instability and continuity in the custodial arrangement;
* The distance of the move;
* The age of the children;
* The children’s relationship with both parents;
* The relationship between the parents, including but not limited to, their ability to communicate and cooperate effectively and their willingness to put the interests of the children above their individual interests;
* The wishes of the children if they are mature enough for such an inquiry to be made;
* Reasons for the proposed move;
* The extent to which the parents currently are sharing custody."




Edited by community_mod (10/01/09 06:32 PM)

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#226027 - 10/01/09 07:18 PM Re: Move away case [Re: nnn3]
IndyTex Offline
Expert
***

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 815
Loc: Dnet Since 1995!
Did I miss this earlier....how old are your children? Are they over 12>

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#226032 - 10/01/09 08:28 PM Re: Move away case [Re: nnn3]
astrolink Offline
Superstar
***

Registered: 06/03/03
Posts: 5742
Originally Posted By: nnn3
It was based on the mediation report painting a really ugly picture of me as a scorned and evil mother who was taking her children away from their father. As I was saying earlier, I made the mistake of mixing the two up: child support and custody. He does not help me raise the kids! That makes me very angry how the system does not look at his abilities to be a parent. I figure if he can't even help me with that, then I should be able to take my kids with me.


I'm just focusing this part of your post..it reeks of anger....you sound like you can't stand the other parent....and would have difficulty co-parenting. Most people hire an attorney for these things, and they coach you what to say and not say. Obviously, you didn't say the right things (or said many "wrong" things). Judges stay with the status quo, as in the kids stay with the custodial parent during these kinds of hearings, in nearly 98% of all cases. You really have to mess it up to get a report so bad that custody is given to the other parent on a temporary basis.

This doesn't mean you aren't a great parent or mother to the kids. It simply means you probably let your emotions get the best of you with the mediator. One thing they look for with every question: how does your answer benefit the children. The focus has to be there, and stay there. If you said anything negative about your ex, it counts against you.

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#226036 - 10/01/09 09:22 PM Re: Move away case [Re: IndyTex]
nnn3 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/28/09
Posts: 24
Originally Posted By: IndyTex
Did I miss this earlier....how old are your children? Are they over 12>
My children one is ten years old and the other two are over 12. The oldest is old enough to drive.

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#226038 - 10/01/09 09:36 PM Re: Move away case [Re: astrolink]
nnn3 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/28/09
Posts: 24

Quote:

I'm just focusing this part of your post..it reeks of anger....you sound like you can't stand the other parent....and would have difficulty co-parenting. Most people hire an attorney for these things, and they coach you what to say and not say. Obviously, you didn't say the right things (or said many "wrong" things). Judges stay with the status quo, as in the kids stay with the custodial parent during these kinds of hearings, in nearly 98% of all cases. You really have to mess it up to get a report so bad that custody is given to the other parent on a temporary basis.
As I was saying before how unjust it is that it's the mediators words against me. Even an attorney who read the report (I didn't hire her) said based on the tone of her report she cleartly didn't like me at all for some reason. As a matter of fact, it's an coincident that one of my girlfriend had a mediation with her years ago, had filed a complaint against this mediator, got a new mediation with a new mediator, and my g.f. won her case. See how corrupted this is? A lot of the information was not professional. She had a lot of personal opinion of me in the report.

I went in there, thinking I shouldn't say too much because I might just shoot myself in the foot if I talk too much. Of course I was angry but I kept it all inside of me. I showed no emotions, and my friend said because I might have been too cold, I didn't cry my eye balls out that's why I didn't get my favor. What no one would know since it was just me and the dad and the mediator, is that she allowed him to talk 80% of the time and every time I tried to speak, she'd shut me up. I figure I better behave or else but even that did not help me cause I did not get to say much. What gives?

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#226049 - 10/02/09 01:05 AM Re: Move away case [Re: nnn3]
Tali_Llama Offline
Superstar
***

Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 6740
Loc: S. California
Also, something you should know is that the LaMusga v Navarro case was being reviewed by the CA Supreme Court - our wonderful former Governor Gray Davis (Aka the "Lord of Darkness" for our wonderful California rolling blackouts) passed a bill that reverted California back to the Burgess system - where the burden of proof falls onto the non-custodial parent to show that the move will be harmful to the children.

Essentially, the courts are taking a balancing point on the issue - is the custodial parent offering to give the non-custodial parent some form of visitation? Are travel costs an issue? These are the kinds of things that have to be brought up during the removal hearing.
_________________________
Disclaimer:Not actual legal advice!

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#226065 - 10/02/09 09:22 AM Re: Move away case [Re: Tali_Llama]
nnn3 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/28/09
Posts: 24
Originally Posted By: Tali_Llama
Also, something you should know is that the LaMusga v Navarro case was being reviewed by the CA Supreme Court - our wonderful former Governor Gray Davis (Aka the "Lord of Darkness" for our wonderful California rolling blackouts) passed a bill that reverted California back to the Burgess system - where the burden of proof falls onto the non-custodial parent to show that the move will be harmful to the children.

Essentially, the courts are taking a balancing point on the issue - is the custodial parent offering to give the non-custodial parent some form of visitation? Are travel costs an issue? These are the kinds of things that have to be brought up during the removal hearing.
Thanks for the pointers. smile

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