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My wife is having problems with her ex sleeping over at girlfriends house, taking vacations with girlfriend, etc. They have two boys (4,7) While father has his weekend visitation he stays with his girlfriend, or takes trips with her and her 6 year old son. He admits to this and belives that there is nothing wrong with his behavior, also states that he stays over alot because he gets drunk and does not want to drive home. Kids all know they sleep in same room, nothing is even being attempted to hide. Beautiful picture! The ex has joint custody with basic two weekends per month and holidays. He does not take them for the six week period during summer as it would hamper his new life. Which in turn causes her to hire baby sitters while working each summer. Thought Alabama laws mention cohabatation and it is a clause in her divorce decree. Also he is always at least an hour late, sometimes more than two, whenever he picks boys up for visitation. My wife wants to take her ex back to court to fix these problems. Will a judge do anything ? What evidance is need to enact some kind of change? Also what can be done about the late with no call on picking up the boys. The added expense for babysitters each summer? Really think it's probably a better idea that he does not have them in the summer as they would be dumped off on who knows. He lives about forty miles away and the children are used to being very active with their friends each summer. Several times his being late has become very problematic and costly as sitters needed to leave or we had other plans and Dad is more than a couple of hours late. It has gotten to the point that we can't make any plans on the Friday he picks them up. She has been divorced more than two years. Any ideas on fixing these problems. Talking to him has not worked at all.

Thanks

Do they have a morality clause in their divorce papers that prohibit cohabitation? If not, you're out of luck. It's not illegal, it's a moral issue. You could take him to court for childcare payments during the extra time the kids need care, but he's not going to get in trouble for being late, or not picking them up. He's given visitation, but he doesn't have to use it. All that maybe would be done is that they would increase his CS because his percentage of time with the children has gone down.

I'm with Kimi. You mentioned that there was a clause in the divorce decree dealing with this, but you didn't say what it says. Please post the language.

Barring some specific prohibition, most judges would be glad to insert a provision but then would be reluctant to do anything meaningful to enforce it. I must admit that, if I were a judge, I probably would be reluctant to enforce it too, and consequently would be reluctant to insert a "no sleepovers" clause in the first place.

Dad's visitation is a right, not a duty, so Mom won't be able to force him to use it. Nor is she going to make much progress with his being late. My suggestion is that you and Mom just make Fridays your "Let's Stay Home and Be Family" night, and quit fretting about it.

I know it's hard to believe this with a 7 and a 4, but honestly, this is a short-term problem. Before you know it, your stepsons will be old enough to exert their own pressure on Dad about all of this, and neither you nor Mom will need to do a lot about it.

Thanks for the help. Her divorce agreement states that their shall be no cohabitation when the children are with dad. My wife belives strongly in the old world moriality. He sees cohabitation as living togather, My wife and her attorney are defining it as sleeping under the same roof. Her attorney states the local Baldwin County Judge shares his veiw. I agree with my wife on the moraility issue. however, my advise to her was that most Judges would do almost nothing. Thought at best they would repremand him and make him pay her legal fees. Her lawyer advised her to withhold the children's visit from him this wknd unless he would abide by the divorce contract as they interpret it. I suggested that he send a e mail agreeing that he would no long have sleep overs of the oppisite sex. Shockingly he agreeded and sent the written e mail agreeing to abide by the terms of the divorce and not have women sleep over. So he took the boys this wknd without any problems. I totally understand about the growing up so fast. I have primary custody of my two girls (13/10; they to soon will be gone. Anyway, thanks, again

"Her lawyer advised her to withhold the children's visit from him this wknd unless he would abide by the divorce contract as they interpret it."

I'll let Mr. Borden comment on that, but that seems it could be an act of contempt.

When they go back for a mod the next time they may want to go into more detail on the cohabitation. I would probably also define cohabitation as living together as opposed to a sleepover. The way the morality clause in my order reads is "Neither parent shall have a member of the opposite sex (unmarried and unrelated) overnight while the child is in their physical custody."

Technically if my ex's best friend came to visit with his girlfriend, he would be in contempt of the order. Would I ever file contempt on that... no way! But I feel like that wording makes it very clear that it doesn't matter if it's just one sleepover or living together... it's not allowed.

I would not withhold visitation... I think that could get your wife in trouble. Two wrongs don't make a right! I'm surprised an attorney would advise that.

kimi...do i understand that even if your ex is married to someone of the opposite sex, the kids can't stay there?

What if you ex wants to sleep with soeone of the same sex...then it's ok for them to sleep over?

No, if he or I gets remarried, it is fine because at that point we will be married. It's basically no pre-marital cohabitation/sleepovers while the child is present.

I guess if my ex wanted to get it on with another dude while our son was there, that would be his right and technically it's not against the court order. Luckily I don't think I have to worry about that!