DivorceNet®

I'm dating a woman who is going through a divorce and custody battle. She has been seperated from her husband since this past December. I first met her in Feburary of this year. She stays with me at my aparment every weekend and every other weekend she brings her son with her.

Currently, she is living with her sister and trying to find her own place through the housing authority. She has considered moving in with me (I offered), but we are not sure if this is a good idea.

Here are my questions. Would her moving in with me have any impact on her getting custody? Her husband is trying for full custody but says he will settle for 50%. What he wants to do is show to the court that she does not have a proper living situation for her son. Should she be concerned with this? Does it matter if she brings her son to stay with me every other weekend? Should she get a pace of her own, even if it isn't in the best area of town? Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!

In a nutshell, if you believe you really care for this woman and there is a future, then it is best to let her move on "independently."

Not only might it affect her custodial status, but the alpha-male desire in yourself to take over and take care of her is just too tempting for her. You want her decision to be with you, to be made because she genuinely loves you. Not because, she sees the opportunity to have a roof over her head or other advantages.

If I were in your shoes, I would slow down.

Thanks for the advice. It was insightful and something I guess I really needed to hear. maybe I should slow things down.

I have more questions. What should she do about hosuing if she does not move in with me? She has no money and her sister does not want her to stay with her any longer and is threatening to kick her out. Should she take the low-income housing or should she try to work things out with her sister? Also, how would the court percieve her if she continues to bring her son with her when she stays with me? Is this a bad idea? Is it not in his best interest? He is only three-years-old.

"Would her moving in with me have any impact on her getting custody?"
This probably depends on the judge. However, unless you're really serious about this girl (and given the short time she has been separated from her husband, you shouldn't be), you shouldn't be establishing a relationship with her son.

"Her husband is trying for full custody but says he will settle for 50%."
I think you should encourage her in this direction. He has given her a perfectly reasonable compromise position, and she can be essentially done with the divorce in a week or two. It may take a little longer to get the document language worked out with the attorneys and then filed with the court, but the really gut-wrenching part will be over.

"What he wants to do is show to the court that she does not have a proper living situation for her son. Should she be concerned with this?"
She should be concerned with almost anything that will give him an edge over her in the custody battle.

"Does it matter if she brings her son to stay with me every other weekend? "
Many judges will frown on this. Many won't care.

"Should she get a pace of her own, even if it isn't in the best area of town?"
She should get a place of her own anyway.

"Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!"
My suggestion is for you to think about what you've told us as though you're an outsider hearing it. She has had problems with drugs. She has tried to kill herself. She can't afford her own apartment. She sleeps with someone she has known for 3 months (this isn't the part that's really troublesome, because I know I appreciate women who don't make me wait very long) while still married to her son's father when her son is present in the same place. I know you want to help, but dude, pay attention. Slow this WAY down, especially as it involves her son.