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My ex and I agreed that neither of us would pay child support, since we have joint custody (spelled out in decree). In the decree, however, we agreed to split all medical costs, clothes, and any miscellaneous expenses for kids. My ex is already gearing up to cut of my daughter once she turns 18. She'll still be in high school, PLUS she's going on to college afterwards. In the decree, he wanted it spelled out that he won't be responsible for college expenses, but is he allowed to just cut off his daughter at age 18 (medical, clothes, etc) because there's no child support order in place? She won't be able to work, since she'll be in a very intensive program of study, so I'd be responsible for everything for her, otherwise. Thanks.

http://www.njlawblog.com/2007/01/articles/divorce/when-is-a-child-emancipated/

Read this article for a better understanding of how it works in NJ. Since he's already given you the heads up what his intentions are, you might want to appeal to court now for the agreement to continue at least until she graduates H.S. The court will probably agree that H.S. graduation will precede the age cutoff. Who knows? They may also agree it should continue beyond until college is completed as the expenses you list are not college expenses.

When and where(county) were you divorced? Child Support is the right of the child. Your daughter cannot be emancipated without a Court Order. How did you get a judge to sign an order (decree) with what you've described? Where you represented by a lawyer?

Ocean County. And yes, the judge approved it all. We agreed to no child support, since we have joint custody. I believe that's fair. Our kids split their time between both houses. We put in our decree to split the cost of everything else.

No - the judge didn't even read it most probably. You cannot give up your child's right to child support, and even now, you can go into court, make a motion and be awarded child support and have him contribute towards college. The way the guidelines work, even if the time is split evenly, there will be c/s from the parent who is making more $ to the other. Contribution to college will be in proportion to income.

Further update and questions....since our decree states no child support, joint custody, how difficult would it be to GET full custody? My ex isn't an abusive father, but he doesn't want to follow the decree by splitting the cost of clothes, miscellaneous, etc. By getting custody, I could get child support, and I wouldn't have to fight him (or them fight him) to get them what they need. Do there have to be extenuating circumstances in order to get full custody? Thanks.

Nothing you have posted would indicate a change in custody.

How long has it been since the divorce? If it has been a couple of years, you can file to modify child support. If it is 50/50 physical, though, the parent who is making more will be the one who pays the child support. Which means if you make more, you pay your ex.

Why are you fighting? If you have 50/50 physical, you buy the clothes at your place and your ex buys the clothes at his place. There is no need to pack a bag for the child to take back and forth. They just go with the clothes they are wearing when he picks them up and vice versa. Medical costs should have been addressed in the original court order and if he isn't paying his share, you can take him to court for contempt.

We're fighting, because he refuses to buy them any clothes. Any $ spent on them is all done by me. Since the decree states we are to split the cost, he should be giving them some $ for clothes, as well. They come to me for everything, because they know he'll give them a hard time..over buying anything. I have 1 child living with me, and he has 1 living with him (teen girls who fight...this is how they wanted it for now). We both like the no support issue, but now he doesn't want to pay for ANYTHING for them. He sees it as me trying to control him...when all I want is for him to hold up to his end of the decree and buy them clothes when they need it! He hasn't bought them any clothes in over a year.

If the kids now are at my house more (5 days as opposed to his 2), can I get child support from HIM, even though I make more $? Thanks.

What was the split you agreed to in your decree? How did you spell it out exactly? Have you gone back to the lawyer that did your divorce?

No lawyer, we did it ourselves (stupid, yes, in hindsight). It specifically states that we are to split all costs. He's just decided not to anymore, but I'm afraid of going to court...afraid I'LL have to pay HIM support, even though they live with me more.

I have questions. The kids apparently used to live much more at his house. You earn more money. How much did you send to him? If you didn't send any, then why do you feel entitled now? Could he have not asked for support before, but didn't?

I suggest you see a lawyer - there are some who give initial consultations for free or at a reduced fee. Looks like some important items were left out of your agreement, e.g. looks like you didn't define how you were splitting costs. Did the judge ask the two of you any questions? As you've been told before, Child Support is the right of the child.

My support order is in Michigan, but just giving my example, I make somwhere around 50-60K a year, my ex was imputed minimum wage at the time of the order (Which in michigan was $6.55 hourly/40hr wk). I am the custodial parent, and my ex was ordered to pay around 200 a month support. So it is possible to receive support for your child if you make more than your ex, however, let me add that we're in a long distance situation, so he doesn't have her nearly as much as your ex sees your child, but in the calculator if we were to split custody down the middle, I would end up having to pay him support.

Do you not feel you should have to pay support?

My daughters spent half the time at his house, half at mine. NOW, they're with me more than half (because of the lack of care they get at his house..another long story about how he refused to take my daughter to the doctor, when I was physically stuck at work and unable to leave, and he's self-employed). We agreed not to have child support, at the time of the divorce, BECAUSE the visits would be split evenly. Financially, it was never even. I held his feet to the fire for things like medical and dental costs (pulling teeth to get it from him, too--says I'm not his 'bank' yet I do ALL the medical/dental visits) , but I have always put out extra money for whatever they wanted or needed. Case in point...I just bought them both fall coats and don't expect him to contribute. I bought my older daughter a car (after he agreed to split that cost) and pay the payment 100% on my own. My ex is not one to be trusted HAD I given him child support $. He already cut them off, and they're only 15 and 17. The reason I question trying to get support from him NOW is because he is refusing to financially care for them. How am I to force him to pay other than going to court? Without going into a lot of history and detail (not enough text space!), I'm the involved parent, I'm the one they come to, I'm the one who supports them financially and otherwise, I'm the one who takes them to the doctor, signs them up for SAT tests/classes (and pays for them), helps with college apps, pays for the application fees...the list is ENDLESS....not him...and I just wanted to know if I DID take him to court, to make him hold up to his end of the divorce decree, would the court look at my higher income and make ME pay HIM support? Even if they're with me 5 out of the 7 days a week? I want my children financially protected, and I can do that without him, HOWEVER, I don't think it's fair or right that he just decides to dump his responsibilities. Thanks.

Why would the Court Order you to pay support when the children live with you? Who was designated the custodial parent or the Primary Parent? What type of joint custody do you have - is it just joint legal custody? Have you looked at the child support guidelines? As far as medical and other expenses, that should have been spelled out in your agreement. Who pays for the health insurance? I suggest you see a lawyer - start doing some research using the internet to learn about child support in New Jersey.

Yes, all this was spelled out in the decree...he just is NOT paying his half of the expenses (medical, etc). We have joint custody. I've found online that if I make more than him, I MIGHT have to pay HIM...even though they're with me more. Before I see a lawyer, before I take this a step further LEGALLY, I wanted to hear the advice from people on this board who may be familiar with a situation like this. I would rather pay ALL the expenses myself and have him fade away (annoyed as all h*ll that he's getting away with it) than have to pay HIM support...$ that he'll never use for my kids.

First, how someone spends support is 100% out of your hands.

As for child support, the courts are going to use your decree, which shows shared custody, which means you will be ordered to pay him.

You would have to get a change of custody first. And, as soon as you initiate that, you can count on him wanting his time back, which is enforceable with your current decree.

Manatees

I wouldn't bring this to the courts. Besides spending money on an attorney, you may end up paying support to your ex and then having him still not contribute. It's a lose lose proposition for you on most fronts. He also will probably step up more time at his house so that the scale tips back to 50-50 time with the children. I think it will be cheaper by far for you to pay for the clothing and other expenses than going down the legal road. Luckily your oldest can hand down clothes to your younger daughter, that's some savings there.

Wow...this is discouraging. And totally unfair. All I want is for him to pay the 1/2 of the expenses he agreed to. I'm not looking for traditional child support...just what the monthly expenses (half) for them are. I'm only talking clothes, medical/dental, miscellaneous...not food or shelter...as their parent, this, to me, is understood to be paid by the parent. I know in some states, the kids have a say who they live with primarily. Is NJ one of those states? My kids ARE 17 (almost 18, going to go to college) and 15...so I'm hoping they have some say. To think that I cannot make him support his children, as a father should, without taking the chance of ME paying HIM support even though the kids live with me more is totally unfair...both to me and to my kids.

Don't be discouraged.

Let me just day first off, I would never advise anybody to enter into this type of agreement of splitting expenses and forgoing support. The better arrangement would be to settle on a below guideline amount, that would be more in line with expenses, if you think that guideline amount is too high. In your case, with 50/50 on paper and if you made a higher salary, chances are you would be paying support...so my statement is not relevant to your situation. Just a general opinion...been through it, doesn't work.

In your case, maybe I am over simplifying the solution, but it is there in the court order in black and white. It is written specifically that you split xyz expenses. He isn't contributing. You get your receipts and file contempt of the court order for x amt.

At this point, I wouldn't fool around with a custody change or child support etc. By the time you see a court room, you will rack up tons of attorney fees and your youngest will be over 16. What I would do, if it were I, file contempt on what the current court order states. He pays half of xyz. That is what your children are entitled to. And further, I would reword and modify the court order for clarification of the current order. Receipts of expenses that are ordered to be split in the court order will be submitted to the other party within 15 days and reimbursed within 30 days, or whatever you want to put for the amount of time.

Having it written that you are to split certain expenses holds up for contempt just as much as a child support order. Contempt of a court order is just that.

Thanks Belle! If I take him to court for contempt, I'm afraid he's going to come after ME for support. I know he can't afford legal services, and I can. I'm going to go talk to a lawyer and see exactly where I stand. Your reply definitely made me realize there IS some hope, though, and that my hands may not necessarily be tied.

What are the expenses (amount) that you have paid so far? Please measure that against attorney's fees because you may not get your fees back and then you may net less than you are aiming to get back from him. Attorneys aren't cheap in NJ or NY.