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No lawyer, we did it ourselves (stupid, yes, in hindsight). It specifically states that we are to split all costs. He's just decided not to anymore, but I'm afraid of going to court...afraid I'LL have to pay HIM support, even though they live with me more.

I have questions. The kids apparently used to live much more at his house. You earn more money. How much did you send to him? If you didn't send any, then why do you feel entitled now? Could he have not asked for support before, but didn't?

I suggest you see a lawyer - there are some who give initial consultations for free or at a reduced fee. Looks like some important items were left out of your agreement, e.g. looks like you didn't define how you were splitting costs. Did the judge ask the two of you any questions? As you've been told before, Child Support is the right of the child.

My support order is in Michigan, but just giving my example, I make somwhere around 50-60K a year, my ex was imputed minimum wage at the time of the order (Which in michigan was $6.55 hourly/40hr wk). I am the custodial parent, and my ex was ordered to pay around 200 a month support. So it is possible to receive support for your child if you make more than your ex, however, let me add that we're in a long distance situation, so he doesn't have her nearly as much as your ex sees your child, but in the calculator if we were to split custody down the middle, I would end up having to pay him support.

Do you not feel you should have to pay support?

My daughters spent half the time at his house, half at mine. NOW, they're with me more than half (because of the lack of care they get at his house..another long story about how he refused to take my daughter to the doctor, when I was physically stuck at work and unable to leave, and he's self-employed). We agreed not to have child support, at the time of the divorce, BECAUSE the visits would be split evenly. Financially, it was never even. I held his feet to the fire for things like medical and dental costs (pulling teeth to get it from him, too--says I'm not his 'bank' yet I do ALL the medical/dental visits) , but I have always put out extra money for whatever they wanted or needed. Case in point...I just bought them both fall coats and don't expect him to contribute. I bought my older daughter a car (after he agreed to split that cost) and pay the payment 100% on my own. My ex is not one to be trusted HAD I given him child support $. He already cut them off, and they're only 15 and 17. The reason I question trying to get support from him NOW is because he is refusing to financially care for them. How am I to force him to pay other than going to court? Without going into a lot of history and detail (not enough text space!), I'm the involved parent, I'm the one they come to, I'm the one who supports them financially and otherwise, I'm the one who takes them to the doctor, signs them up for SAT tests/classes (and pays for them), helps with college apps, pays for the application fees...the list is ENDLESS....not him...and I just wanted to know if I DID take him to court, to make him hold up to his end of the divorce decree, would the court look at my higher income and make ME pay HIM support? Even if they're with me 5 out of the 7 days a week? I want my children financially protected, and I can do that without him, HOWEVER, I don't think it's fair or right that he just decides to dump his responsibilities. Thanks.

Why would the Court Order you to pay support when the children live with you? Who was designated the custodial parent or the Primary Parent? What type of joint custody do you have - is it just joint legal custody? Have you looked at the child support guidelines? As far as medical and other expenses, that should have been spelled out in your agreement. Who pays for the health insurance? I suggest you see a lawyer - start doing some research using the internet to learn about child support in New Jersey.

Yes, all this was spelled out in the decree...he just is NOT paying his half of the expenses (medical, etc). We have joint custody. I've found online that if I make more than him, I MIGHT have to pay HIM...even though they're with me more. Before I see a lawyer, before I take this a step further LEGALLY, I wanted to hear the advice from people on this board who may be familiar with a situation like this. I would rather pay ALL the expenses myself and have him fade away (annoyed as all h*ll that he's getting away with it) than have to pay HIM support...$ that he'll never use for my kids.

First, how someone spends support is 100% out of your hands.

As for child support, the courts are going to use your decree, which shows shared custody, which means you will be ordered to pay him.

You would have to get a change of custody first. And, as soon as you initiate that, you can count on him wanting his time back, which is enforceable with your current decree.

Manatees

I wouldn't bring this to the courts. Besides spending money on an attorney, you may end up paying support to your ex and then having him still not contribute. It's a lose lose proposition for you on most fronts. He also will probably step up more time at his house so that the scale tips back to 50-50 time with the children. I think it will be cheaper by far for you to pay for the clothing and other expenses than going down the legal road. Luckily your oldest can hand down clothes to your younger daughter, that's some savings there.

Wow...this is discouraging. And totally unfair. All I want is for him to pay the 1/2 of the expenses he agreed to. I'm not looking for traditional child support...just what the monthly expenses (half) for them are. I'm only talking clothes, medical/dental, miscellaneous...not food or shelter...as their parent, this, to me, is understood to be paid by the parent. I know in some states, the kids have a say who they live with primarily. Is NJ one of those states? My kids ARE 17 (almost 18, going to go to college) and 15...so I'm hoping they have some say. To think that I cannot make him support his children, as a father should, without taking the chance of ME paying HIM support even though the kids live with me more is totally unfair...both to me and to my kids.