DivorceNet®

I have searched the web reading about Seperation, legal seperation and divorce. I have found that in NC you are considered legally seperated from the first day you no longer live together. I have found that in some states from that day forward any assets aquired or debts incurred are the sole posession and/or responsibility of the aquirer and the other party has no claim to or responsibility for them. I cannot find out if that is true in NC. Does anyone know? I am pre-qualifying for a mortagage now and will be filing for legal seperation very soon. I am concerned that if the seperation takes longer than the loan approval my X may be able to lay claim to whatever propery I might purchase. If I get approved and "the right" property comes available I would hate to loose out because I have waited so long (three years) for him to file for Divorce.(once a dead beat always a dead beat). Any help out there?

"I have found that in some states from that day forward any assets aquired or debts incurred are the sole posession and/or responsibility of the aquirer and the other party has no claim to or responsibility for them."

You're right to be concerned. Probably any information you found on the other states concerned assets and debts acquired by one "prior" to marriage, because most will divide those acquired after a marriage.

You can try to conceal the purchase until the divorce is final, but again, if real estate transactions become public record. Sometimes they're even announced in newspapers.

Do you have an attorney? If not, can you at least consult with one regarding the time frame? How long have you actually been separated? And finally, once pre-qualified... how long is that pre-qualification status good for until you find your residence?

The information I read specificly stated that all assets and debts aquired after the date of the actual physical seperation become seperate property and liability. That you need a court recognized Legal Seperation to seperate all assets and debt aquired prior to the physical seperation. However the articles did not state which states recognize the Physical seperation in the matter of assets and debt aquired post physical seperation. I was hoping some one might know if it holds true in NC. I am meeting with a lawyer soon and will ask him/her if I don't get an answer before hand. I also spoke with a mediator and forgot to ask that question. I will check with him as well. We will be seperated 4 years in August and we live in different states. I relocated here a few months after we seperated, after he informed me he no longer wants to be married. I later found out why. He had already hooked up with someone else the weekend I left our home. Since thay already knew each other through work it is highly suspect that they hooked up before I left and he drove me out so he would have an excuse to terminate the marriage. However in the nearly 4 years of seperation he has repeatedly promissed to file for divorce and has not done it. I am sure because he doesn't want to pay for it and why should he. They are living comfortably together on two incomes enjoying the life I had before he drove me off. I am sure he feels once this is all innitiated he will have to pay support eventhough he states he will not. I guess it will be up to the courts to decide and the odds are heavily in my favor. We have been married 29 years. We have been seperated nearly 4 years and we lived together 2 years before we were married. That is a long time to give to someone only to be discarded like so much garbage when he's the real trash.

"The information I read specificly stated that all assets and debts aquired after the date of the actual physical seperation become seperate property and liability."

That's correct in most states. It makes sense since they already lived separate lives after the separation.

"We will be seperated 4 years in August and we live in different states."

Why let it goes for so long without filing for divorce?

"However in the nearly 4 years of seperation he has repeatedly promissed to file for divorce and has not done it. I am sure because he doesn't want to pay for it and why should he."

You don't have to wait for him. You can initiate it yourselve.

"We have been married 29 years."

That's why he didn't want to initiate, too much support at his expenses.

We will be seperated 4 years in August and we live in different states.

I believe your new assets should be fairly safe at this point. What of anything that was joint or you can lay claim to (homes, pensions, 401k's, etc.) prior to you leaving? Perhaps if he still has any of them and knows you have as much claim to them as he does, he will be more than happy to sign off on an uncontested divorce.

He may not want to pay for a divorce, but if the end, you decide that, there are assets that you would be entitled too and decide to hold off a home purchase until after its safe to do so... he will probably find himself paying for the divorce anyway :)

I agree mostly with your comment, once a deadbeat, always a deadbeat. So he also got away with providing for children?

"That's correct in most states."

Are you the authority on "most states?" How do you know this? Can you please name most of these states immediately?

No, heh?

No he was a good provider to me and our only child untill our son was grown and moved out on his own.

However I had felt for a long time that he was not happy in the marriag but he would never admit to it. He just kept saying,"if I wasn't happy I wouldn't be here". I believe he stayed out of guilt because he had no real valid reason to be unhappy. I was a good wife and mother. Looking back, I believe it started after I had our son. I think, when he looked at me he now saw a wife and mother and not the little sex kitten he had been used to for the past 4 years. I later realized what a shallow man he is.
I gained a lot of weight having our son. I went from 109 and very fit as a horse trainer to 156 by the time I had the baby because I had to quit training horses and became very inactive. I was 136 when I left the hospital and was never able to get below 125 after that, which by the way is the ideal weight for my height and frame. I think that seriously botherd him.

After my son left his behaviour more or less drove me off. I don't think he had the "balls" to leave. I guess making me leave made him look like the inocent or something and possibly relieved his guilt as technicly he didn't leave, I did. I don't know. I just know for all other purposes, asside from financial I am now better off. However, living in poverty is taking a lot of getting used to and dealing with the fact that he stole and wasted my life and dreams and is now living my life and my dreams while I live in poverty and depression really pisses me off. But I am coming to terms with this as well and realizing the longer is stay depressed and pissed off the longer it will take me to get on with rebuilding my own life. So I'm letting it all go but I am taking some of his money to help me out fianacially.

I was trying to find this out because I was trying to buy a house. I have to wait 6 months to finish qualifying for the govmt program I am working with so it doesn't matter now.

We have corrisponded recently and even though he balked at a support agreement at first he has agreed to it now. I guess he did not want his "dirty laundry" aired in the courts or his financial and tax business either. If he does not contest it will not go to court and he will not have to provide anybody any of his personal, finacial and tax information. It will go through uncontested and so will the divorce. It just simplifies everything.

I had not filed previously because a few months after I got here and could not find work at the pay level I was accustmed to in Fla, I went broke fast. He kept promising to do it and never did. I was afraid then to push for support untill my truck was paid off for fear he would bow up and stop payments on the truck. He WAS at least doing that and I could not afford to pay for it myself. I also realized he probably couldn't pay for both at once. Now I am 3 payments away from that being paid off and he is now cooperating so all is good, for now. By the time all this is finished he will only have to pay me the support payments.

He again offered to file in Fla. I declined. I am filing for the seperation agreement here in NC and once that is settled I'll initiate the actual divorce. For me the seperation agreement is more important than the divorce. If I draw it up I feel like I will have a little more control of it.
He has agreed to reimburse me all fees as I go. I am confident he will follow through at this point.

Thanks for your input.

"I had felt for a long time that he was not happy in the marriag but he would never admit to it. He just kept saying,"if I wasn't happy I wouldn't be here".

It was another "passive" way to express his "unhappiness" without making you feel burden by it. If you felt so, then you must do something about it regardless of his answer. You must understand that men don't normally or easily admit his "failure" to keep a happy marriage. They feel more responsible (and it ruins their ego) than women.

"I believe he stayed out of guilt because he had no real valid reason to be unhappy."

What do you define "real valid reason" to be unhappy? You can't since it's relative to each person. What one considered a valid reason can be considered invalid to another. For example: If he simply doesn't love you anymore, then it is valid enough for him but not enough for you, right?

"I think, when he looked at me he now saw a wife and mother and not the little sex kitten he had been used to for the past 4 years."

It may be true but there may be some more important hidden reasons and they have nothing to do with sex appeal. Has he expressed to you?
Almost all men love the attractiveness in their women but many would also look over the changes and learn to accept if their women can do something in other areas more important to them such as making him feel good (paying attention) and important (praise and appreciation).

"He has agreed to reimburse me all fees as I go. I am confident he will follow through at this point."

Keep up the positive, throw away the resentments, and give him some credits during this process will help you in the end.
Good luck!