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Along with speaking with an attorney, you need to move back into that house and do not move out until you have a signed custody/visitation/child support agreement that has been filed with the courts. Sit down with her, both of you talk about what you want in an agreement, and what time you want with the kids. Now is the time to do this before things start getting too ugly and the backstabbing begins (it almost always does).

Very good point. Thanks for all of the input.

VA does not have "legal separation." You can file for a divorce from bed and board which will allow you to live as if you are divorced but you can't remarry. Some use this to get through until a waiting period is over. Its pretty obscure these days though.

You REALLY REALLY REALLY need to go back to the house. The moving out can hurt you. You never know what she may say or claim later. My ex basically threw me out of the house, WITH the children, and then filed for divorce on the grounds on my abandonment. This was done in the State of VA. Of course, there are defenses to abandonment but it was a PITA. And the ex started the process lecturing me about how we should be civil so the attorneys wouldn't get all the money.

I also understand the lack of money. And, its expensive to live where you are (not quite as expensive as where I was but close). However, you really need to at least consult with an attorney post haste. There are attorneys that will allow you to use them just for certain services and charge you based on those. Then, there are attorneys that will ask you to pay a retainer and you go from there. The choice is yours. However, is the custody of your children really something you are willing to gamble? You'll find that most of the decent attorneys up there will charge for the initial consultation but that is often times a flat fee for however long the appointment takes. My attorney charged his hourly fee. It was a lot. It was worth it. However my case was a bit strange and fairly acrimonious. There are things you can do to cut down on the fees though. Make a list of what you want out of this before ever talking to an attorney. Then, you'll have a jump off point for discussion.

Collaborative Divorce is becoming more popular in Northern VA. In fact, I have a friend in PW County that just went through a divorce and they went the collaborative route. I'm not sure who she used. Have you at least considered speaking with an attorney? I've got some recommendations if you need them - of attorneys to seek out and ones to avoid.

Through my teaching association, I was entitled to a free half hour consultation. I spoke to an attorney, but for most of my questions, his reply was, "well, you're not there yet, that's down the road. You should try to work this out." I went for legal advice, but instead got maritial advice! I've heard that I should try to get a local attorney that knows the judges in our area, just in case. She is adamant that she would never not allow me to be with the kids. However, I also think she's a pathalogical liar. I would love some suggestions about attorneys.

"She is adamant that she would never not allow me to be with the kids."
My ex said the same thing about 48 hours before she started denying me access.

Justadad - are you wanting an attorney in PW or would you not be opposed to a firm in Fairfax County? Where in PW are you I guess would be the first question I would ask. I can get you the names of either, though I have more experience with the ones in NoVA and would recommend them to anyone.

Honestly, if *I* were you I'd go talk to an attorney (another one) and it would probably be one that did not give a free consultation. When you are paying for the consult I tend to think there is less of a "wait and see, why don;t we do xyz first" because the attorney is already at least making something.