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My husband was married before. In November of last year I found him to be involved with another woman that he works with. I don't believe that he's ever totally come clean about this affair, and as I've found out he's had at least one, probably two affairs in his first marriage. That too only came up to me in November. To be clear, I was not the 'other woman': we met long after his divorce was finalized, and I had been told that his wife left him because he was difficult to get along with (which he really can be) and because of the strain of their recent bankruptcy. Otherwise I would have stayed away (I always had stayed away from men with complicated histories before).

He has two kids from his first marriage, and we have two small kids from this marriage. Both of us have been in counselling, but he hasn't (or won't)commit to us. He has not given me any assurances of where things are going. The final straw for me was that on our anniversary/Valentine's day, he basically avoided me all day, and went to work (possibly / probably with her).

I confronted him about this the next morning and told him that we needed to make a decision (we had already done so in November, told everyone including the kids, and agreed to put that on hold pending the counselling). I really don't want divorce, but can't carry this on my own.

I'm the primary breadwinner (buy a wide margin), and so far he's agreed that the kids will stay with me, in our home.

I'm planning on doing the divorce pro se.

Any advise would be welcome.

Are you saying that he's in agreement that the two of you will divorce?

He has, as in I asked, he's agreeing to the divorce and isn't doing anything to object (other than not reading the paperwork I've given him). Moments ago before he left for work he said a few things to suggest that he's remorseful about the effect this is having and that he loves me. He's done so all along. But the behavior and the affair haven't stopped, and he has been aware all along that I know (because I've told him that it had to stop... his cellphone and records of calls etc is in my name...so there's no denying this). More improtantly he hasn't indicated anything concrete about a future together. Nothing. Just that he feels bad about everything that's going to change (like, he just shared breakfast with our son). I responded by saying that yes, lots would change, and much of that change will be perceived as loss, but that he ought to find the benefits of being apart that he evidently is looking for. His response was "I'm glad that you have that much confidence in this".

Work up what you think is a fair agreement. Give it to him in writing, and give him a deadline for responding. If this is successful, have some back and forth until you reach an agreement. Once you reach an agreement, take it to an attorney to write it up.

Thanks for the advise.

He's been through divorce before and he has had financial troubles. I bet he would be glad to take your money.

Are you aware of the 50/50 property division in Wisconsin? Add up both of your net worth together: home equity, retirement accounts, investments, savings, vehicles, etc. By law, half of that sum belongs to him. A judge may refuse to grant a divorce if your agreement doesn't divide the property evenly.

If you get the house, you're probably going to have to give him enough to balance half of the equity. Don't be surprised if he smiles when he gets served with the divorce papers.

Doing it pro se may not be wise in your case.