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I've been talking to my lawyer to find out my options on child support since "Child 1" has moved here .....you would have to agree she is by far the more expensive of the two at this point in her life. That being said, here is my proposal and you see what you think...I will preface this proposal with stating the absolute...."I will not be writing the same check as the past and have already turned over the documents that show this...... my proposal is this I take care of "Child 1" expenses this means everything...you take care of "Child 2" exspenses (everything)this would offset so to speak...this means I dont write you a check anymore...my wife and myself will cover both girls on insurance at no exspense to you..which would cover anything thats not covered by the other...this is dental and vision as well....these insurance monthly expenses are something you have never had to worry about but will come into play if you refuse the proposal...also any goverment assistance for "Child 2" will be taken into account if this goes to litigation as well...if you agree to this ( which I will have my Lawyer draw up for you to sign)...you can file "Child 2" on your Taxes as a dependent...(we can look at you filing this year if we agree)........otherwise I would welcome taking this in front of a Judge. Believe me when I say...after they take the insurance we pay and YOUR GOVERMENT assistance for "Child 2" and 14% of my income coupled with 14% OF YOUR income back to me ...Which is the law by the way...were not talking about much difference than my proposal...The Lawyers fees would be the back breaker and believe me I dont want to have to do that but am prepared to if you act like a hostile person on this subject..... when i say the money would offset I mean by handling all of "Child 1" expenses we are actually taking care of "Child 2" as well by you not having to write me a check for "Child 1" expenses....remember she's in cheer here and other things......and tutoring. Please dont respond to this e-mail in a haphazard fasion....ponder before responce...this will end up costing you ...I do think we can resolve this without the court system.
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Ok...mind you he is already under court order to pay insurance on both children. Child 1 is more expensive and I also until this point having been paying out A LOT over what her child support was I was receiving. And I also paid on tumbling lessons at one time and he did not help on and also had her a tutor that he was not involved with either. So yes she is 14 and she requires some extra but she is not the princess of Whales she can be told "No". Also Child 2 is on medicaid due to some medical reasons. She does not receive ANY kind of supplemental monies!! So to me he is threatening his own child's medical benefits that are completely paid and he is not having to pay a thing on her not even through his own.
CHild 2 is 10 and still at this point requires daycare. When she is too old for daycare I will have to have someone come into my home and keep her due to her not being able to be left alone. So this is expenses.

This is lengthy I know but I REALLY need someone to tell give me some thoughts as to what a judge might do or say if this did go to court. And I am in NO position to pay for any court fees or attorney's! I would be in court ALONE!

Thanks! :)

My first reaction is that his letter is not terribly dissimilar to some of the things I have written my ex from time to time. I typically feel like I'm being more than fair (and I usually am). Usually, I figure out what would be the likely result of litigation, and then I offer her just a bit more than that, but what I offer her is typically more hassle-free than the likely result of court and/or more tailored to our circumstances and/or our son's needs. Therefore, my operating assumption will be that your ex has done some sort of similar analysis.

Best guess is that he's at least mostly right about the CS. I'm in TX, so don't take what I say as Gospel, but when the kids are split, they normally calculate CS for each parent as though only one kid existed, and then they subtract the difference.

My advice would be to forget about the legal specifics for a minute. Think about this from a relationship standpoint (and keep in mind that I don't know your ex, nor anything about the history between the two of you), and think about the potential legal fees, stress, etc. that might result from going to court. Also think about the future. In 4 years, when the older one is 18, the CS game begins again. He might be more amenable to paying CS at that point (as opposed to seeking custody at that point, or perhaps sooner) if you work with him now. That is, you want some help with the daycare (if you're the CP for that child, can't you claim the daycare expenses on your taxes?). In that case, write back that you agree with him in principle. However, you would like some help with the home care expenses once the younger child turns 12 (that is the magic, get-booted-out-of-daycare age, isn't it?). Ask him to bear 50% of that expense once that occurs, and spell out the number of hours per week you expect to have someone in your home.

And to answer your basic question, extracurriculars are a crapshoot. Some judges will order the expenses split and some won't. This will vary from state to state and judge to judge. The best way to know for sure is to consult an attorney who practices in the court in which you would appear. Since you are apparently unable to pay for one, see if there is some sort of free legal forum in your area.

Thanks.
I have one other comment and it's one my husband mentioned.

Child 1 did not just up and say she wanted to move. Her move was due to the fact that I and my husband may be moving so she decided to go ahead and move in with her dad.

So could I make her come back even though we are not moving at this point? She is not of age to decide where she should live is what I have read.

"So could I make her come back even though we are not moving at this point?"
If a changed custody order has not been filed with the court, then in theory, yes. However, the longer the current living situation has existed, the easier it is to persuade a court that it should be made permanent and official. Six months is a reasonable rule of thumb. Even if you can make her come back, the real question is: should you? I would submit that at 14, you should let her make the choice regardless of the law. 12 is the magic age of choosing in TX (though it's not quite as simple as a choice), and that's the most common age I read about other states, so something older than 14 would surprise me. That is, as long as she is happy and unharmed (she isn't doing drugs, she isn't being beaten or molested, her grades are reasonable, etc.) where she is, leave well enough alone. How do you think your TEENAGE daughter is going to feel if you force her to do something she doesn't want to do? I understand that you have to force them to do certain things that are in their own best interest from time to time, but this would simply be forcing your preference on her. Stop for a second and envision that conversation with her; imagine the resentment. There is at least one other caveat that comes with letting her choose: she can't make a new choice every other week, because that is her trying to manipulate the parents. If she picks, she has to stay, at least for a year (or 2 - my number is somewhat arbitrary).

In a nutshell: unless you're doing something you have to do in order to protect your child, don't go down that road.

Well she has only been there since Christmas day.
And as any teenage girl (well some) everything is all about her and what she wants and what she is able to get. She has been living in the town I am since she was 2. Her roots are here, her friends her family and extended family. There would be no resentment. Like was said before...she is with him cause I was going to move. Now I am not moving.

Be all that as it may, tread lightly. Explain the situation to her and ASK her if she wants to come back. You let her make a decision a month ago. So, a month ago, she was mature and responsible enough to decide for herself where she should be. Don't take that away from her without a good reason. I understand how you feel - I want my kid with me 24x7, and I certainly resent the monetary aspect of having his mother be the CP. One of the things that causes behavior problems in children of divorce is the feeling that they have no control over their lives. You gave her that feeling of control; don't take it back without a good reason.

So i should let her know that we can not agree on the monetary stuff and she needs to come back? HE WOULD FOR SURE TAKE ME TO COURT!! He like you and MORE than you RESENTS having to pay ANYTHING!! He would do WHATEVER it took to get her to stay and even bring his own child into court.

"So i should let her know that we can not agree on the monetary stuff"
No. Children should never be privy to the financial arrangements.

"she needs to come back"
What I mean is: "Honey, your stepfather and I have decided not to move. Because we thought we were moving, you made a decision to move in with your father. Since I am no longer moving, you have the freedom to come back. I respect your decision regardless."

"HE WOULD FOR SURE TAKE ME TO COURT!!"
If your daughter made the decision to move back in with you of her own volition, he wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

"He like you and MORE than you RESENTS having to pay ANYTHING!!"
What I got from his letter is that he resents having to pay YOU anything. He doesn't appear to mind paying directly for the kids. And by the way, this is what most NCPs who were forcibly made NCPs resent: the other parent is rewarded with my money for having taken my kid away from me.

"He would do WHATEVER it took to get her to stay and even bring his own child into court."
Fine, but as soon as the girl tells him that it's her choice, he is left with no leverage. He can file court papers until he is blue in the face, but he has no basis for the change in custody. You own a vagina, which, in most courts, makes you automatically the better parent; the current custody order has the girl living there; the girl wants to live with you; courts are reluctant to split up siblings. All of these things point to you winning, and you haven't presented anything that would have him winning unless the girl requests to maintain the current living arrangement, in which case he has a lot of leverage. I haven't read about any abuse, any drug use or other criminal activity, etc.; that is, both homes are basically good homes. That being the case, and given the girl's age, she can pretty well decide where she wants to live. My research suggests that, while the choice is not legally binding, a child who is 12 or older is entitled to express a preference to the court, and the court will typically honor that choice.
http://research.lawyers.com/Mississippi/Divorce-in-Mississippi.html
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_age_a_child_can_choose_which_parent_to_live_with_in_Mississippi