DivorceNet®

Hi everyone, I would like some help with the following situation.

I met my wife about 10 years ago while we were both still in he military. We got married in 2000 and our child was born in 2003. A few weeks ago my wife's co-workers wife discovered that my wife and her husband were involved in an affair and called my wife threatening to disclose to me the details. My wife preempted this notification and informed me of the 3.5 year affair. I was concerned that this was not the 1st occurance and dug deeper with her and discovered that her daliances had been occuring since about 6 months after we 1st started dating. The number that she finally gave was about 15 to 16 people that she had had flings with including 4 of her current co-workers and 2 of the wives of her co-workers. I get it that she has severe emotional and psychological issues. She has admitted that she has a higher than normal need for emotional support and prioritization and has come to see that this is the basis for many cases of sex addiction, and has agreed so seek counseling and to get in a program. I am totally devastated by all of this as I was happy, and totally in love, I have never strayed. I am still in love with her, but realize that there can be no further relationship with her. I am trying to do the right thing by her because I care so deeply for her, and have agreed to a no-fault divorce because I do not want to affect her security clearance and her career by filing for an adultery related divorce.

The subject of Custody has come up. I want full custody but I do not want to deprive my Son of his Mother. Also I do not want to hurt my wife in spite of all that she has done to me. She wants to pursue Joint Custody. As I understand it there are 2 different types of joint custody. Joint Legal Custody, and Joint Physical Custody. She wants to be involved in the decision making process with regards to our child, but I am not sure what rights I would give up with this option, and what future heartaches I could be setting my Son and I up for. Although she has agreed to seek help for her condition, I still have very deep concerns over her judgement and her ability to control herself. She has exhibited extremely poor judgement leading up to this and that was when I was still around to answer to. What behaviours will she engage in once I am out of the picture. I only want what is best for my Son, but when I express my concerns about her behaviour to her, she takes it as a personal attack, and thinks that I am holding her actions against her. As far as division of property and debt she has been very supportive, and is not trying (on the suface) to screw me over. So far it appears that we can settle everything without litigation, but I am just not certain about the whole custody decision.

I am devastated by this whole affair, and naturally I am having very strong conflicting emotions with regards to my Wife. I am still trying to be her friend and be supportive but I have been screwed over by her in the past. I just want to make the best informed decision that I can. On the other hand, I dont want to make a mountain out of a molehill. If I am giving up nothing my agreeing to joint legal custody then I am perfectly willing to pursue that option, providing it does not negatively affect my Son. We have always had similar thinking with regards to our Son's upbringing so I dont think it likely that we would be constantly wrangling with regards to that. Currently I do not have an attorney, and if we can resolve this thing peaceably thn we will both use the lawyer provided by my wife's companies legal benefit.

I appreciate any help or advice that you can give me.