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ok, why do women think that they "have the right" to take HALF.....for instance....

he worked making good money, 18 hrs a day, he did his own laundry, he made supper, he helped 6 yr old with home work, he bathed the child at night, read bedtime stories, cleaned the kitchen.....what the wifey poo did was sleep all day, talk on the internet "to her friends" and run him further in debt......now, HE "has to prove" he ownes everything/anything..by receipts...what the heck...she didnt work? how does she own any thing?

also mind you do to her suggestion it is an...open marriage. her haveing way more "friends than he" , as he worked, and did the things above...after meeting someone, and was on the first date, she(the wife) moved her boyfriend in...now husband is paying the bills, and has his wifes "friend" in his bed...he is sleeping in another room.....

now 2nd date for husband (1 month later same girl) she(wife) calls him and tells him he is not to come home....she had dropped off 2 trash bags of clothes at a mutual friends lawn. he knows no matter how he tryes, she will never be happy, and gives up.....why does she deserve half? she did nothing, no work outside, no work inside.....geez im so..PO'D...they were married 10 yrs, she had 1 job, in the beginning for a short time.

she drained the acct. pawned all his things (man things, tools etc) he had to buy back the camcorder...that still had his childs 1st birthday tape in it.....whew! i think im done, any advise

I don't know about OK, but in TX, you can ask for a disproportionate share of the assets based on the other party disporportionately squandering income and assets. It's also reasonable to insist on half of the income she got from selling your stuff.

A rule of thumb of divorce is: money follows kids. If you want a judge to award you a disproportionate share of the assets, get primary custody.

i filed contempt on her for selling all my "stuff"...they said it "will be taken care of at mediation"....(10 yrs of marriage) she agreed to give me a colman stove, a lantern, and a smoker....i dint agree so it will go to trial....contempt was not delt with....trial wont be set for 3 months (lawyer told me) all i have is the clothes she left in trash bags.... this has been going on for 1 1/2 yrs...i want a divorce....if she wanted a divorce...why is it taking so long?

i know there are other cases involving her other child. for oh whats the word....unfit parent..now, i have gotten a house with enough rooms, i was the primary caregiver...should it be so difficult? geez, i am at my witts end. as to waiting, doing things right, and why isnt her disability taken into acct?

i guess what i am saying, is men always get a bad rap...and the money hungry women are happy...

"if she wanted a divorce...why is it taking so long?"
Don't tell me, let me guess: she's getting child support and spousal support.

temporary order set...yes she is getting child support. for the moment. that however is not the issue. i make enough to support my child either way...

the issue is, that she has "her episodes" i fear it is unsafe for my child...episodes involve her unable to drive and she sleeps all day because she abuses prescription medication...and doesnt know where my child is, or whos house she is at. IF there is an emergancy....how will she drive my child to the hosp? blacking out while driving is unsafe....some of this information comes from my child in suttle questions...and 5 men and 1 woman living in the house in 1 1/2 yrs...these are the issues.

"for the moment. that however is not the issue"
Wrong. You wanted to know why it was taking so long. One reason is just to make you mad, and another is wanting to avoid having to make real decisions, but the biggest reason is that she fears losing her gravy train. As with anything in life, if you want to know why, follow the money. If she thought she were going to get more money by finalizing the divorce, it long since would have been over.

dont my fear and concerns matter? WHEN i go over there to pick up my child...i do not want to make it worse for me, i do understand what u said b4, about the civil matter, i just dont want it to look bad for me or make things worse for me...so do i call the police and refuse to give her the child....i left a message for DHS...it takes the 2 days to follow up i've heard...whats 2 days...she would be "sober" by then...i understand..about the "gravey train"...another thing is...my lawyer "needs to hire a PI" said it will take 2 or 3 months. what for she isnt poppin pills outside... everything is in the house...geez, i am so frustrated...MIND YOU THIS ALL TOOK PLACE AT 9:30 PM

"so do i call the police and refuse to give her the child"
No, you do not call the police. Leave that to her. (What are you calling them FOR? To tell them that you're keeping the kid? To report her for being intoxicated in her own home? To tell them that you're an idiot who forked over a kid to a woman WHO TOLD YOU that she'd taken pills that made her unable to function properly?) Keep the kid, and document your reason (you are keeping a log, aren't you?). If it's legal in your state, and you expect her to be "loopy" then bring the camcorder with you when you go to drop the kid off and make sure it's on. Telling the judge that she looked intoxicated isn't nearly as effective as being able to play the tape. Having the tape also gives you enormous leverage in mediation/negotiation.

What would the PI do, exactly?

I AM THE SAME PERSON WHO POSTED

a desision must be made...but which is right?

"a desision must be made"
About what, exactly?

[quote=BeaverFever]"a desision must be made"
About what, exactly?[/quote] you also replyed to that post that i did...lol

i have NO IDEA WHAT THE PI IS FOR.... like i said, she is loopy in the house....i have not in 1 1/2 yrs(thank goodness) ran into her outside the house, she is a drama queen and will just tick me off... she lives in the next town...i work 12 or more hrs a day, if i do call my child she makes excuses why i cant talk to my child...so i gave up on the calling.... i dont know exactly what im here for if not just to vent...i do thank you for your listening, and some outside input...my lawyer wont call me back, and this "episode" happend a week ago...no help from either lawyer or DHS...i just needed someone to tell me something i guess...thank you

"i dont know exactly what im here for if not just to vent"
There's a lot of that here. It's perfectly acceptable.

"thank you"
You're welcome. It seems to me that, based on what you've posted, it's in your child's best interest not to have Mom as the primary decision-maker in her life. That being the case, you need to win custody. Do you have a plan for doing that? Has your attorney given you any ideas about what works in your favor and what works against you? If so, has (s)he given you any idea what sort of evidence would be pursuasive?

"i have NO IDEA WHAT THE PI IS FOR"
I have a vision of you holding a conversation with the PI:
in_okla_2: Hi, I would like to hire you.
PI: What would you like me to do?
in_okla_2: Ummm...follow my wife around.
PI: Do you suspect infidelity?
in_okla_2: Well, we're in the midst of a divorce, and I know she's sleeping with one guy after another, but we had an open marriage before that, so I really don't need evidence of that.
PI: What do you need evidence of?
in_okla_2: Ummm...I don't know. My attorney just told me to hire a PI for 2-3 months.
PI: Is this a joke?

NOTHING REALLY, i have to come up with reasons"why i allowed my child to live there for the past 1 1/2 yrs " well, i didnt want my child to watch us argue...i didnt have proper living as she left my clothes in someone elses yard....NOW...geez, so much has gone on, that i was unaware of, even when i lived there....i see things that i hadnt seen before....i just wanted to keep a piecefull...house...and now i feel like i am loosing and she will win. i see now that people can become blinded in marriage...and tell all my friends "keep your receipts away from the house incase you have to prove you own anything, even though i worked and she didnt the 10 yrs"...my lawyer doesnt return my calls...i have used all my savings (now that she isnt around, i have money), and i just wanted someone to answer my questions...maybe i should have gotten the court appointed attny....i do feel like she is winning, everything is in her hands, i am the one who filed, i am paying for a lawyer, childsupport, i just feel like im (excuse me) am being screwed.....

I KNOW...THATS WHAT I THINK, R U SERIOUS? i have been with the same woman for this past 1 1/2 yrs. i dont know what the PI is for.... i do have documentation, i have witnesses, i have all these things...what would the PI do?

"why i allowed my child to live there for the past 1 1/2 yrs"
Your response is, "That's what was in the temporary order. I haven't tried to do anything before now because while I don't think she's a good parent, she wasn't doing anything directly harmful or negligent to the child. However, last week was the first time I've dropped the kid off that she has been clearly intoxicated."

You appear to have several things working against you:
1) You own a penis. Most courts consider the single most important factor in parenting to be the ownership of a vagina.
2) You left the house. I don't care what she called and told you, that was your house, and you had every right to be in it. There's nothing you can do about that now, but you should clearly understand your obstacles.
3) Mom has had primary custody throughout the temporary orders. Judges typically want to stick with the status quo, provided that the status quo is working. It's up to you to show that it's not.

You'll want to build a case around the following:
1) Mom likes to get doped up. Whether the pills are legal or not, Mom needs to be in command of her senses to care for a 6-year-old.
2) Mom runs boyfriends in and out of the house. Judges typically don't care how promiscuous the parents are, so long as they keep it where the kids can't see it. You need to show that it's an unstable situation.
3) You make more money than Mom. How does she pay her bills? Even with the child support, can she provide for herself, much less the kid?
There may be other things. You need to sit down and make a list of your pros and cons, and do the same for your wife. Figure out which of these are more important than the others and focus on getting evidence for your pros and her cons. For her pros (e.g. vagina) and your cons (e.g. work lots), assume she'll have evidence, and you'll need to be prepared to refute that evidence. Also be prepared to show why those things aren't really very important.

She pays bills by DISABILITY, and CHILDSUPPORT. Disability...is however i believe a fraud, but how do i prove it...how can i find out what its for? she tells lies, she has the landlord bring her food (working on his emotions, whitch she is good at coniving and sympothy) this i heard from my child "he sometimes brings us food, cause mommy doesnt have money"...oh i was PO'D....i am thinking of taking copies of the support to the landlord, but that would be "just to prove my side" like i said, she has another case of ... unfit parent, on her other child... i'm just kinda hoping that goes thru so i can use that too.... she sold my stuff and tells people "the divorce was final and i won this stuff, and i dont need it" so i filed contempt... is the "disability, something medical, that i can use for my advantage, does it hinder her ability to take car of my child? that is another question

If she claims disability, you have the right to know what the disability is and how it affects her parental ability. Your attorney should long ago have asked for discovery regarding her medical records generally and her disability specifically.

NOTHING IS BEING SAID TO me, like i said, it seems that i would be better off with a court appt....lol, my lawyer hasnt returned my call in a week and a half

Okay, you're a year and a half in. Discovery should have been months ago. Was there any discovery? If so, what documents were requested? What documents were returned?

i dont know....um... he was sent an "anonamous" mail...telling him of the case about her other daughter...she has "offered" redicuous... like i pay back TANF....and take what i have and call it quits...at mediation i asked for..my things...tools, moter cycle, ham radio, ham radeo tower...etc...pictures, things that are mine....offered the 3 items, and i to call it quits, excuse me but i am 40 yrs old, have been married 3 times (her being the 3rd) and i worked at a steady job and she didnt....and i have to prove i own those things, which are no good now cause she sold them, everything i asked for, she has destroyed or sold.....now...i want my child, and i will fight...another reason, i didnt try to take my child is she said " sSHE WOULD KILL HERSELF IF I DID"....HOW COULD I BARE THAT BURDON? she is pshyco.....im tellin ya, and i cant get anything from my lawyer....

I get that you're frustrated, and with good reason. However, at the moment, you need to focus on WINNING. What does it take to WIN? If your attorney is that unresponsive, consider getting another one.

I AM frustrated...im sry...i have used all my savings on this attny....im stuck....i feel like i am doing my own work and he is doing the filing...

"i feel like i am doing my own work and he is doing the filing"
To me, that's as it should be, more or less. It's YOUR case, not his. He is merely an advisor. Having said that, doing your own legwork should greatly reduce the amount you spend on him. In my divorce, my ex spent about $35k on attorneys while I spent about $10k, and that was in large part because I handled as much as I was able.

Have you tried planting yourself in his office first thing in the morning and not leaving until he sees you?

OH, ok...i see your point on that....i guess "planting" myself would be my next move...lol, again than you for your help...it is storming bad here, so i need to get off her....lol thank you

If you can change attorneys I'd strongly recommend it. My attorney laid out all possible strategies not to long after our initial consultation. Every time my attorney has had to bring in an outside expert to do some work (property expert for the area where out marital home was, another attorney well versed in title law, etc) he consulted with me and explained several things: pros and cons of hiring/not hiring, why he felt it a necessity, and then allowed me to question the suggestion. My attorney also is very prompt to respond to emails and phone messages and if he can't he has an associate in the firm that is familiar with my case respond. I'm paying him a lot of money and he knows that I expect that he be proactive in my case and communicate with me.