DivorceNet®

I'm 15 years old and will be turning 16 in the next few months and my parents have been divorced since I was 4. My current living situation follows:

I go to my dad's for two days in a row, then my mom's for one, and back to my dad's for two. On the days I go to my dad's, I return to my mother's and sleep their every school night and she takes me to school.

Now that I'm 15, this schedule isn't convenient or practical. I need to live at one place all the time and hate going back and forth every 24-48 hours. My dad currently pays child support, but I would prefer to live solely with him (8 minutes away). I would assume that my mom will then be paying child support to him, but I was wondering if custody had to be changed first or if child support can simply be re-evaluated. I'm afraid that a custody change will require lawyers and court and make things more complicated and expensive.

It probably sounds odd that me, the teenager, is wondering about all of this, but I simply DREAD going back and forth. I want to stay at my dads and live a life that resembles my peers.

Thanks for any help you can provide.

Sigh. I hate to say this I find it odd to even believe a 15 year old wrote this post, but that's okay. I'll go with it.

Regardless, the answer to the question is yes, a custody change will be needed. It doesn't necessarily require lawyers or extreme expense, but the custody agreement reached by the parents needs to be changed by the court. Then once that's completed, the child support needs to be re-evaluated.

An alternative is to rotate every other week instead of every 24-48, which yes, I can see being overwhelming for a teen.

I disagree. While a formal, court-approved custody change is preferable, it's certainly not required. Custody orders typically have some sort of statement that the parents can supersede the custody schedule by mutual agreement. If your parents agree to let you sleep at Dad's house most nights, then it's okay. Child support can stay the same, or it can change if your parents decide to change it.

I believe that children should get more input into their schedules as they get older. You're at an age such that, within limits (e.g. you can't go a month without seeing your Mom), you should be able to set your own schedule. You need to sit your parents down (together if they can be civil; separately if they can't) and explain to them how you feel and why. Have a specific suggestion for a new schedule. Ask them to agree to it in writing, at least for some set period of time (say, between now and the end of the current school year). The agreement can be filed with the court or not.

Yes, more sensible approach. Once parents care for their kid, anything is up to them. Not everything have to go through court since it gives a false image of conflict still going on. I was a little strict and stuck with the schedule when my boy was much younger, but as he entered teenage year, I pretty much let it up to him to see his mom whenever he felt like it or convinient for him/her. Not only it will make him more happy but it reduced conflict to zero. Mother also needs to understand that boy this age needs to be around father more to learn "man" stuff. Unfortunately, mother CP sometimes can be selfish and controlled not to let it happens.
My advice is to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with both parents, especially to convince the mother about her insecure of her boy spending less time at her place. The father also should make some concession such as not asking any CS (only 3 years left!) and even still paying her some CS as an insentive (he gets his son more!). The son also should bring out the "important" reason that affects his education. Any loving/caring parent would do anything for his/her kid.

Yes, there are those keywords "Mutual Agreement," which works reasonably better with day to day decisions. When it comes to trading positions, especially in the area of child support, anyone who goes solely on verbal agreement and trust puts themselves in a position for the other to break the agreement/trust at will.

If there was no child support involved, I'd agree. There are sorts of situations here where people have literally screwed themselves without a formal modification in that area.

I'm all for schedule flexibility and input from teens regarding that.

HevnMaidMe, I am indeed 15, but I guess there's really no way for me to prove that.

Thanks for all the replies. I believe my mom is already expecting this, as she mentioned something to my sister about it. I'm just worried about the whole CS aspect because there are/were some lingering insurance cost issues. My dad lost his job and the job he got 4 years ago has a horrible policy and my mom's was much better so she put us on her's. Now every time there's a money conflict, my mom brings up that he owes her 3000 dollars because the court documents state that he's the one that needs to be paying for insurance, although I read the papers myself (yeah, they are my parent's private documents but I wanted answers without bias) and it says that he only has to pay as long as it's available to him. The two of them SHOULD have reviewed CS then, but that never happened.

This whole thing would be much easier to approach if that issue wasn't going to rear it's head, which of course it's going to when I talk to them.

Oh, wow, this post is really long.

Anyway, thanks so much for your advice and opinions. Just have to talk to them now...

I guess that's what I mean about "cementing agreements" by having them modified.

It doesn't sound like mom is anxious for this to take place. Maybe after discussions with her you'll get a better understanding of her entire stance and she of yours.

Good luck.

You shouldnt have to worry about this stuff. Your mom and dad can work out the insurance info. Plus. Mom will get a credit against her child support based on how much the insurance pays.

Ideally, you should be able to broach the subject with mom & dad without anger from either. Then they should sit down privately and work out the details.

However, you are obviously a very mature 15 year old. Speak to your parents like you do on here. Keep it factual and make sure that MOM knows WHY you want this. That is not a CUT against her, you still love her, etc.

I don't find it difficult at all to believe the OP is 15. My son is 14 and requested the same thing 8 months ago (he can't get along with his mother, through no fault of his own). She flat-out refused to even consider his question.

My son's Guardian ad Litem decided that since high school is approaching, now is the time for a reallocation of Parental Rights and Custody to be awarded to me.

Although kids shouldn't have to be concerned with these things, they are.
My son is also worried about CS. Believe me compared to knowing he's in a safer & healthier environment, the last thing I care about is her paying me CS, that is, as long as I get my $700 a month back, he's a growing boy.

My ex is currently fighting the change, even knowing what the outcome will eventually be, she wants "her way" and the C.S., which she spends 90% of, on herself.
If your parents can work it out, that's fantastic and thank them both.
If they can't, you'll need to have a G.A.L. appointed, your Dad will probably have to start those motion filings. Your parents will each be required to pay half of that cost.

The G.A.L. really isn't interested in what your parents want, only what is in your best interest. Having said that, the entire Domestic Relations Court system is a "process" and they don't always do things like we'd hope and expect.

I wish you the Best,

Ryan's Dad