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#178401 - 07/26/07 11:32 AM Parenting Plan
Valentino Offline
New User

Registered: 07/26/07
Posts: 3
Going through a divorce waiting for a court date, I am fighting for a 50/50% or 40/60% parenting time with the kids, my wife keeps insisting its not stable for the kids for them to be one week here , one week there, I am a good father and so is she a good mother, what chances are there getting this, is it not normal to have the kids 3 out of the week and she gets 4? How do most Judges look at it ..Any help most appreciated.

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#178403 - 07/26/07 12:04 PM Re: Parenting Plan [Re: Valentino]
dvd Offline
Superstar
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Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 4167
Your best chance is to move close (same school district) to where they live and be more than a model father. Well, if she wants "normal", she should have worked on the marriage before it fell apart. You both must accept whatever the outcome and make the best of it for the kids.

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#178408 - 07/26/07 01:16 PM Re: Parenting Plan [Re: dvd]
BeaverFever Offline
Superstar
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Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 6787
Loc: Houston, TX
For starters, look at a standard order for TN. That's pretty much your baseline. Unless she can show you somehow unfit or you're just foolish enough to agree to it, that's the least you'll get. "my wife keeps insisting its not stable for the kids for them to be one week here , one week there" That's the popular excuse, but it's wrong. If "stability" is the single most important factor, then the logical extension of this is that in order to maximize stability, they should be with one parent or the other 100% of the time. What little research I've seen (I'll see if I can dig it up) that directly investigates the impact on the kids of various splits suggests that 50/50 (typically one week on, one week off) is best for the kids. Switches should be done on Friday after school to minimize the effect of the transition. Make sure you push for a domicile restriction, regardless of the split, because dvd is right in that the closer you are to their mother, the easier it is for the judge to buy that such a schedule would work.

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#178422 - 07/26/07 04:54 PM Re: Parenting Plan [Re: BeaverFever]
Valentino Offline
New User

Registered: 07/26/07
Posts: 3
So basically, there is no harm with kids switching one week here , one week there? I did not see anything wrong with that especially having same time with mom and same time with dad, We both are fit parents and therefore should have equal parenting time.

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#178429 - 07/26/07 08:06 PM Re: Parenting Plan [Re: Valentino]
HevnMaidMe Offline
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Registered: 12/03/04
Posts: 4058
I don't believe there's any harm to it. I do know a family that does that split alternating weeks. The parents live in same city, different school districts but they're still close enough so transportation to the schools is not a problem. Val... there's a lot more to prepare for besides location. You want to be certain you have the right accommodations for the children, beds for each, childcare (depending on ages), etc.
_________________________
When you know better, you do better -- Maya Angelou

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#178440 - 07/27/07 08:57 AM Re: Parenting Plan [Re: HevnMaidMe]
Valentino Offline
New User

Registered: 07/26/07
Posts: 3
Yeah, I know I am going to need to prepare for other things like accomodation for the kids, beds etc..my only concern was not getting the default parenting time which is 80/280 days, I am not an unfit father and therefore feel like it's only fair to get 50/50 or even 40/60 time, I thought they would be people that been in the same situation and got what I am trying to get and also if there is things I need to do like - make sure accomodation is available, beds for the kids etc.

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#179614 - 08/16/07 05:37 PM Re: Parenting Plan [Re: Valentino]
momn2girls Offline
Member
*

Registered: 04/20/07
Posts: 130
Loc: TN
Take in to consideration 1) the ages of the children and 2) the personality/temperament of the children before you decide whether a week on and week off will work. This is about the kids, not you, not the mom. My STBX wants 40/60 also. What I can't seem to make him understand is the 14 year old in high school doesn't want to drag her school stuff all over creation just to make him happy. She would just as soon ignore him 90% of the time. The 10 year old is no longer sleeping thru the night due to the stress. He is forcing himself on them and they can't cope. They don't have the maturity to deal with a 46 year old man. My intent is not to rag on you or Dads in general. I am sure you're a great dad because you took the time to come on this forum and ask for help. That speaks volumes about the kind of parent you want to be. Make sure you know what you're getting in to before you do this. Case in point: 10 year old went to Dads, he took her to the basement to do woodworking, think sawdust, etc. She has an asthma attack and he calls me! Says I didn't think it would bother her. Okay, he's known for 6 years she has asthma. What part of that was hard to figure out? Sawdust and asthma can be deadly. Get a copy of the kids medical records and read them. That way you're prepared for the unexpected as much as you can be. Get a copy of their school records too. That way you, at a minimum, come off sounding like an informed, competant father to the judge. That will work in your favor. Hope it all works out for you!

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#179634 - 08/16/07 09:22 PM Re: Parenting Plan [Re: momn2girls]
ABCstepmom123 Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 33
My husband stressed to the judge that when she went on a weeklong trip out of state with her sisters that HE, alone, kept the kids. Also, all the little times that she was at classes, etc, that HE kept the kids. This shot her in the foot when she was saying he wasn't capable of taking care of the kids, and should have a few hours a day, no overnights. The judge flat out said, well if you would leave the kids with him for a week while you were so far away, I think he will be able to handle a weekend with overnights. She also tried to say that he was unsafe taking the kids for 4-wheeler rides one at a time with the oldest watching the younger ones on the porch. (they weren't babies) The judge just laughed and said, "hey, he's a dad spending quality time with his kids, what more do you want lady?" LOL! So somethings can definately backfire... in your favor! Make a note of these quality time things! And times you were solely responsible for the kids. This will help you get more time!

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