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Hi Folks, it's been a while since I have posted. My post started in other areas, for those of you who want to read my history. So my divorce was final 12/06/06. I have tried to move on with my life, but have found it difficult due to the financial mess that was created by my ex husband and his abandonment. I have since tried to forgive him and the military personnel that hinder my ability to be able to get him discharge for his financial irresponsibility. Or because of policies and guidelines in place by JAG and the solider Act, refute any part of this soldier for giving me restitution based on the facts of this case, and since the judge screw me in the divorce and I don't have the money to take him back to court I was left holding and empty bag, with a broken heart literally, no medical coverage, a 13 year career gone, unable to work due to illness, and just a hell of alot of heartache along the way. Why did I do this? Not to end his career, although that might have happened if he would have gotten discharge, he was so early in the game what did it matter, and he was an immigrant after all, I did this though to try teach him that in life there are consequences for your action. To no avail. It never happened. Recently I ask for the case to be opened on new grounds with more information concerning our finances during our marriage, which I was told I could do so if I have something different to send. However, after have a very lengthy discussion with the colonel in charge I have walked away once again feeling that my case, and other abandoned wifes, children and or men, by their spouses in the military will forever go un challenged by a system set in place years ago. I have answered questions from various others with similiar stories, and have gotten emails from others who have either seen or heard my story via some other website, I feel it is my duty to help people like me who were in my opinion victimized not only by their spouses, but the systems in place that protect the soliders and not the spouse, and the justice system that continues to advocate such moral decades of character with "No fault" divorces in almost every state. Read my history folks, and my question to you is this.. Is is possible for me to direct change for those before and after me that continue to get victimized not only by their spouses, but the justice system and the military government of body? Should I let this go knowing we are in a time of war, but knowing this was and is just completely unjust and not right that society said it's not okay for a spouse to abandon his duties in the military but it's okay for him to abandon his or her spouse and or children? I will be back on line sometime tomorrow to see your responses. Thanks LRBLESSED sick and tired of knowing I may leave this world not seeing any justice in my situation that literally went all the way to the white house.

Interesting no replies as of yet...

I'm not really sure what you are looking for. As I recall, you had a couple year marriage, your husband wanted a divorce, you didn't, you did whatever you could to legally stop it, and failed (as all would, with no fault divorce). What kind of restitution and justice are you seeking?

Astrolink, the answer,that policies in the military that allows a solider to walk out on his spouse or children no matter the length of the marriage has an obligation to take care of that person including providing a roof over their head until the marriage is over. Yes, that's in place but it is rarely enforced. In my case when my ex spouse walked out, they knew were were married but he was under no obligation to continue to provide a home for me given my health issues. Essentially he was allowed to not sign papers that said he could take me with him. Instead he chose the choice the give the soliders which is, if I don't want my wife with me no matter her illness i don't have to have her here I don't have to take care of her. So he chose not to sign the papers to bring me to hawaii. He asked me to leave my townhome, school and job in Seattle, with the pretense that we would be in phoenix for a short time and then move to hawaii. He did all of this, so that everything that was in our name in seattle, came out of his name so he had no ties or connections to me. At the time I was two months into grieving the lost of my daughter, and new to the military seen so I had no idea what was really going on. Allotment? He said I will only pay it when I am force to. Which he had to be forced to do, but by that time, it was too late, the bills were mounting and the eviction notice was there, which after living on my own since I was 17 years old never happened to me. How I got home to my hometown to live with my mom is another story, he did not help and nor did the military. I went to the salvation army, again paperwork he had to fill out, he refused to do so. The policies are not strict enough and allow room for this kind of behavior. There was no violence in the home, no indication that his life was in danger, there was no need for the military to allow this man to abandon me the way he did leaving behind all of his belongings which I had to get rid of. He moved to hawaii, got a new car, (after he made me get rid of two we had claiming because we were on one income now he needed us to downsizes, so there went my townhomes, cars, school etc... I did all this tryin to be the dutiful wife and follow his lead, I had no idea he was leaving.) I have since heard stories of people chasing their spouses for years trying to get medical coverage and monthly allotments for them to substain their life. The policies are there but there is not enough stipulation that would prevent such things happening. Bottomline is this. I feel very strongly that if you are married and your spouse is relocated to another area that is not a war zone, the wife and children should automatically go with them, without the spouse having to sign off on some papers to make it happen. If you were in his originall documentation like I was it should have been automatic. They did question him when he first arrived to hawaii as to why I was not with him. He faked sending me the paperwork, but never signed off on it. Once I found out what was going on, I went all the way of the chain, and other than forcing him to pay the allotment nothing happened, I got evicted from my home and force to divorce this man, with nothing coming out of the divorce. Leaving my family for the better part of the year struggling to help me live with medication and medical exspenses mounting. He however is living it up in hawaii, never went to iraq, has a nice home and new woman. Because my ex husband had the choice not to do for me, he did not, he did not sign the paperwork to bring me with him to hawaii, thus also making the decision to stop sending money and causing me to be evicted from my home. and he was not held responsible for his actions in the way that I would have like. He got a slap on the wrist, what I asked for before the divorce and demanded was that he come and get me. Be a man, and take care of his responsibilities. They said they couldn't make him come and get me, yet they could make it him, stop verbally abusing me on the phone until the divorce was final. Ridiculous. 3 years and 8 months totaled our relationship, the most valuable years in my life. My mid 30's to have children etc. Now I am two years away from 40 starting from scratch. The idea of having a home, family and children again slowly fading away, as my health is an issue in regards to having children the older i get. While many of you think that is a short period of time, if you have never married someone from a different culture you have no idea what my struggles were. I took the bad with the good, loved this man enough to do for him, and still I was happy. Obviously he was not. I was a means to and end nothing more. If their was a clause in the soliders Act that saids, if you walk out on your family you are obligated to give up to 1 year of your salary automatically to that family until a divorce is final, and also provide adequate medical coverage, most of the soliders who join the military simply to "Run away" from their families would not do it, if they knew their money would be cut off from them. My ex husband did what he did because by joining the military it gave him the freedom to move to another city without me and walk out leaving me in a destitute situation. Yes he could have done that without being in the military, but for two years he did not because he did not have the means to do so. Meaning someone else was footing the bill for him to have room and board and a new life away from the life he chose to get into. It is moral issue here, not so much as a legal one, and if we in society continue to say that issues such as these need not be address, then women and children and men will likely continue to suffer at the hands of those who do not have good morals, characters or judgement. Trust me, had I known how horrible this man really was, how inhumane, unkind, and selfish he was, I would have never married him, took care of him for two years with my "high end salary" or had his child. Once I got sick and could no longer work and the savings and unemployment ran out and I was new to this whole military system while being in and out of the hospital I had no where to turn to. No help was given or offered to me at any time. Then I was completely screwed over by a judge who never saw me, and captain that wrote a letter on my ex husband's behalf asking that he be release from his marriage so he could be allowed to go to iraq. Which he did not do. There was no justice for me or many of the woman I have heard from since this happened. Personally, I will find the justice myself, in due time the ex husband will have to face me once again. All I asked for was for help from him to me in my time of need like I did him. He came here with the clothes on his back, $500.00 to his name no drivers licenses, or a work permit. What he bought to the table was a degree in accounting a work history from his country, high work ethics, and ambitions and goals written down that at the time did not include using his wife to support his life here. Also, fakely so, a so called life he wanted to build with me. I did not enter into this marriage lightly when he first asked I took weeks to answer him, and even questioned him about his immigration status, I was assured by him, he did not need me because he had family in the states that could help him. The truth of the matter was is this, with the family it takes longer, with a wife, you get a green card, that allows you to enter into our military even if you are not a permenant resident. It is a "get out of a life, you never really wanted card for free." In the three years that we were married he brought in $12,332.00 Most of that came for the first year his was in the military and was money I had to have him forced to give over. It wasn't enough all the bills were already mounting. I brought in well over $40,000 most of which went toward our living exspenes, the least he could have done was provided for me for a short time until my health was better, and kept me on the medical coverage. However, the money he makes in the military which was the likes of money he had never seen he decided he wanted to keep for his self, and I did not count or matter, and I still don't. Thus the end of the marriage in December. Good news, he left behind enough information on his family, his life, and his friends that in due time, I will face him again. For now like Vindisel in the "Chronicles of Riddick, " I am all back of the bus for now." If my government could not protect me, and others like me, I will do this myself. The sad part was I really loved this man, and would have done anything for him, all he had to do was ask. He should have just said, " I don't need marriage, I need help getting a green card, a stable job, and the ability to live on my own. While we were married and before I got sick with heart disease. I worked full time, was in school full time, and took time out to have his child, who pass shortly after 7 months. During this period of our marriage, I paid for the majority of our exspenses. We had several nice homes, 2 cars, money in the bank and outings in and around the town we lived in. We had a good life together all thanks to me. We had our problems like any couple, but I never imagine that he was capable of pure abandonment, with no thought to my well being or safety. It is a hard lesson to have learned that has forever changed my life. I know I will never get married again. I no longer believe in moral vows and conduct so called becoming of a solider, I no longer believe in the santity of marriage. I was brought up to be honest, have dignity, and intergrity, self respect, self worth and a williness to help others. I believe that this was going to be my one and only marriage. I no longer believe in wedded bliss. I was a bit naive because I spent my 20's and 30's focusing on my career first. My ability to trust people especially men, is completely gone. I find that as nice as I am at times I am cold and heartless, and emotionless, non of which I was, before this man entered into my life. I have mounting debt, school bills, a totaled car etc. Although I can not blame him for my heart disease and i had no idea I had it, I never consider him as a man that said, "Once my wife could no longer work, and support our house hold, I am out of here." Yet everyone on base says, he is helpful, kind and respectful to others and good at his job. I have witnessed him willing giving to other people, and despite our problems whenever we had them, I still willing gave to him. How do you think that makes me feel? Enough said. Never in a million years did I think a marriage to the wrong person could leave so much devstation and destruction in it's wake. It was a very hard lesson indeed.

I learned something rather late in life (after 40) that I'd like to pass on to you. What you do everyday is not a dress rehearsal. The past can add to life experience, but in most circumstances, it does nothing but drag you down. Live for today, to build on tomorrow. Let go of the past, as it is clear it is wiping you out. Start living today, to build a future for yourself for tomorrow.

Astrolink, thanks for the advice, it is rather good. I am trying, but the struggle to survive is difficult and in the struggle it creates, anger bitterness, and resentment. Still I do keep trying...