I'll try to be brief. My ex and I were divorced in 2005, 3 kids 11, 10, and 4. I thought that it was amicable I took all the credit cards, I gave him the business, the house9with equity), the vacation lot. We had an agreed joint parenting plan with 60% time with me and 40% time with him and a 50% decrease in c/s bc he would be responsible for 1/2 the expenses while they were with him. I would never try to keep them from him. It worked well for about 8 months, both at school conferences, both involved in all aspects. Then he met his new wife(not placing any blame) but things changed. He started taking them less often, yada yada... Then he said he would no longer be taking them during the week at all, just every other weekend. Every weekend my oldest son came home saying Dad called you (*&*( or that. My son said I am constantly referred to as the bitch in front of the kids. Which explains the time my 4 yr old called me that and I disciplined her and she looked so confused, anyway I just answer that He shouldn't have said that in front of you but I really don't care what they think of me, and it doesn't bother me. He's a good Dad and he loves you.
Now 14 months later I am taking him back to court to change the financial aspect(contempt), completely irrelevant from the visitation aspect.(the kids don't even know) I have never talked badly about him to them, I just say Your Dad loves you very much he just has a lot going on right now, etc.
so about 6 weeks ago I got a text message from him asking if they could take the kids to lunch on Saturday. I answered - of course they would like that. He picked them up drove them a mile to a restaurant, and swabbed their mouths for a DNA test. Then they went in ate, and returned home. No explanation of what it was, no nothing. they returned home and my 11 yr old asked to talk to me alone and told me what happened.
He then sent me a text message that said I will not be taking the kids again until you dismiss this court thing.(obviously the DNA came back the way I knew that it would)
Anyway, my 11 yr old now says that he doesn't want to go with him even if he was taking them, that all he does is call me nasty things, and lose his temper with them, and his new wife calls them pond scum.(Yes I had to explain what "pondscum" was)
i want them to have a relationship with their father to a fault. I've begged him to take them, but now he says he will sign over his rights to them if I don't cancel the court matter and pay off a credit card that I was given in the decree, I make payments but I have no way of paying it off.
What do I do? If I dismiss the court thing his c/s will stay at 50% of what it should be, and he hasn't reimbursed any expenses since July 2005. I'm not a $$ grubber, but this is affecting what I have available to use for them. My 11 and 10 yr old are in counseling bc they think their Dad doesn't want them or even want to see them, he's said that to them. I'm lost, can anyone help with a next step?
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Trying to put the children first
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