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I had a divorce hearing yesterday, and the judge said, and I quote: "It seems that you didn't try hard enough to find your spouse." (I put an ad in the paper, sent divorce papers to the last known address, and was not able to get in touch with my ex's parents or any other family members) "Also, why are you filing for divorce in MS if you currently live in Kentucky?" (I'm in the Army. My home of record is in MS. I pay MS state taxes and I have a MS driver's license). The judge said that he had to "mull it over" before he can make a decision. He was supposed to make one today, but did not. From what the lawyer said, he has no court dates at all for the rest of the week. My question is this: If he DOES say no, will I ever be able to get divorced? I haven't seen nor heard from my spouse since the summer of 2005! I want to get on with my life! Will I be forced to stay married to someone who, for all I know, is either dead or re-married herself?!

Were your divorce papers returned to you and still unopened? When you attempted to get in touch with all the other family members, did you again try in writing? Did you try using a process server at all?

They were not returned at all. I knew where her parents lived, yet no one ever answered the door, nor did they answer the phone. They do not live at the house anymore. They moved away a long while ago. I didn't even know that they had moved away until a couple of days ago. I was never told by my lawyer to do anything else. Just try to send the papers, then place the ad in the paper (my lawyer wrote up the ad and submitted it for me).

have you tried looking yourself on line?

If you only sent these things regular mail, there is no way to prove you sent them. Your lawyer should have told you that, even have sent them out for you the proper way. I guess that's why the Judge feels that due process was not used. Do an internet search on her as well as her parents. Do you have access to her social security number anywhere? Health insurance policies, id cards, etc.?

Yes, and came up with nothing. I tried the e-mail address she used to have and the instant messenger programs she used.

My lawyer sent the papers to her herself. I'm assuming that the lawyer kept a receipt. I was not told otherwise. At my hearing, I had a witness state all that had been done to help find her the past couple of years. Yet, the judge still did not think I tried hard enough. I did everything my lawyer said to do. I'm so frustrated.

Looks like its time for you to hire a PI. If she bounces around alot I would start with looking for the parents if they are grounded people(meaning sty in one place for a while and establish residence somewhere)Then go from there.

Yes, definitely. Looking for my ex alone, it would have been next to impossible to find him. He erased all his paper trials. Spouses, relatives, other ex's with their children. If they're addicted hobby enthusiasts, they sometimes join clubs.

If the STBX is that MIA, then probably the simplest thing to do would be a divorce based on abandonement. Would KY be easier? Check it out and since you are Military, that does give you an advantage. Claim any state that has easier divorce laws as your HOR and claim residence. Be clever! Its not like your STBX will ever come out of the woodwork and contest it once its over and done!