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My husband has a 16 year old daughter whom came to live with us about 4 years ago. Prior to her coming to live with us he paid child support every month and on time and did A LOT of extra's. When the daughter came to live with us she begged us to take her mother to court for custody as she wanted to live here. We dropped 18 months back child support and agreed to $150/month child support which was hard to get. She paid NO EXTRA'S and didn't even send her daughter anything for birthday's, Christmas, or any holiday until the last 6 months, the daughter went back to live with her mother and now they are trying to get us for back child support, child support which we do not have a problem paying as we should help with the child. However, our main concern is 50% of college which we cannot afford. In our agreement with the Mother this was not mentioned as we knew we could not afford college education and that the mother could not afford. We always instilled good grades and had the daughter play softball in hopes of scholarships. We told the daughter that she would have to pay for college herself as we have two other children and it could work out to where we have three children in college at one time, so we told ALL children they would bare this cost. My husband does not make a lot of money. Has anyone been forced to pay 50% of a 4 year university for their child when they could not afford it? Do we know what is taken into consideration? We know the child wants to become a nurse and that there are plenty of two year nursing programs that cost 1/8th of what a 4 year university cost. I know that there are only 13 states that allow a judge to rule on college tuition with Missouri being one of them. Any advise is greatly appreciated.

I wonder why the child went back to mother? If I were her, I think I would feel as if you are not as supportive as a resposible parent should be. I do believe that a child should work very hard at paying their own way and being responsible but to flat out refuse to help is absurd.You owe her that much.

First, I didn't say we were not willing to 'help' out. But being forced to pay and helping out is two different things. Second, we do not OWE our children anything! I love my children and would do anything for them but if we cannot afford to pay then we cannot afford to pay especially when we could have 3 children in college at one time. She went back to her mother's because her mother allows her to do whatever she wants without rules and guidelines, which she had here. Let's see...what she talks about doing in her mothers care...drugs getting drunk staying otu all night. At 16 the grass is alwasy greener on the other side. Supportive.... hmmm.. lets see running her around everywhere for her softball, buying her nice clothes, encouraging her in school and softball. I think we have been very supportive. We took her in when her Mother couldnt handle her anymore, her mother sent her here with NOTHING and we went in debt to get her things she needed. Let's see, we did offer to help with a 2 year nursing program but now that she is with her mother that is not good enough..she has to go to a 4 year university that cost $80,000+, which will turn out to be the same degree. $10,000 or $80,000...

Missouri is changing the child support law RSMO 452.340, and as of August 28, 2007, the NCP only has to pay until the child reaches the age of 21. I feel that if I were still married to my ex (shiver)I would tell the child that they must work and go to college on their own. Because of the child support law, I am FORCED to pay because I am divorced. Not fair.

I agree with you!! It is a violation of you rights as a person and as a parent. What if the "adult" college student does not do what the house rules are? What if they go and get covered in tatoos, wreck the car, etc. etc. Any married couple could threaten to yank college support and boot their buts out the door but unmarried parents are forced by the courts to maintain support and college regardless. What if you are of the belief that they need to pay for most of their college to apprecaite it? The courts infringe on your parenting beliefs and force you to their rules even though that "adult" is old enough to vote, drive, make all decisions except alcohol. I am looking to what I can do to make the public and state representatives aware of this so that I am not just complaining but doing something about it. If we all voiced it someone who can do something about it might hear us.
What do you think?