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Hello,

My sister has been wanting a divorce for a long time now. She has always been held back for fear of losing her kids. He has told her that he will get full custody and she will not see them again if she leaves. Her mother in law supposedly "has friends in the court" - whatever that means. Apparently my sister believes that the MIL is in a position to influence any decision regarding the kids in the NH court system. I'm not sure if that is just some paranoia or what. I know the MIL is very involved in her son's finances and helped him to gain physical custody of his son from another marriage. The mother is remarried and has a child. She is not a drug addict and seems normal. I can't see why she lost physical custody. My sister and her husband do not have much money and have 2 children of their own. My sister has some learning disabilities and believes what people tell her.

Now he has openly cheated on her with her friend in their home!! He used to just emotionally abuse her - now it is cheating, too.

She really wants to leave and has made several attempts. She always gets scared and goes home. She always tries to leave when he is at work or out, so she will avoid confronting him. I don't think it would work any other way since she really has no backbone(not her fault, though).

She is under the impression that if she moves to a different state to live with my parents, it will be kidnapping and she will lose the kids. I think this sounds crazy. Maybe not nice - but not illegal. They don't have any separation papers filed and have not talked to anyone about anything. They have gone to counseling. She states that he just told the counselor what she wanted to hear and put in no effort.

My sister is a stay at home mom. She has a disability and is on Social Security (not welfare not SSI) - just her own SS Disability. She has no resources or money to start a new life. I know she feels trapped by all of this.

Can anyone tell me what she can do? Can she just go to another state and live w/ my parents. School is out now and they have room for the kids there. Which court would she deal with? What are the potential problems? I have no idea about any of this. Thanks for any advice!

She cannot remove the kids from their home state with out permission from the husband or the court. If she did that her husband could go to court and get full custody immediately! Tell her not to do that! She can go where she pleases but the kids must stay. She would have to convince the court that the move would benefit all and not negatively impact the father-child relationship. From what you say, the father would never allow this move. I'd talk to his Ex and find out what exactly happened in their situation that he was able to obtain custody.

Take your sister to talk to a few attorneys and get it all in more detail and see what her options are. If she divorces she would most likely get SS since she is a SAHM (and if the kids aren't school age yet) and CS and if it wasn't enough she can always apply for welfare and food stamps. Depending on what her disablity is, she can seek some kind of training or schooling to become self supporting.

If its that bad, she should get a divorce, if not then she needs to suck it up (I don't mean to sound insulting)and make the best of it for the kids sake. Once the kids are grown and out of the house then she can divorce the lowlife and live on what he gives her and what she gets in disablity AND she can go where she pleases and do what ever she likes!

Your sister needs to consult an attorney.

Meg

definitely talk to an attorney. not sure what NH law is, but in most states, if there is no current court order in effect (if nothing has been filed yet), then either parent can take the kids anywhere they darn well please. so i think your sister can take the kids to your parents, but her husband could always come and try to take them back. plus if he filed for divorce when she left, her taking the kids would not look too good to the court. talk to a lawyer first!

Well, if he is now cheating on her that is good news for her. That could be a big factor in the outcome of child custody. And in the marital home to boot???? Damn, he is either stupid or does not care. I would definitely have her talk to an attorney and have her get away from this guy. Sounds like bad news and lots of heart ache. She might be able to prove that she and the kids would be better off moving out of state but it would be up to the father and or court. But he might put himself in a position where he might just give in.

"Well, if he is now cheating on her that is good news for her. That could be a big factor in the outcome of child custody."

Regretfully, with the advent of no-fault divorce, cheating won't make any difference regarding custody. Most judges won't even let any of it be entered into court; since it plays no relevence, they don't want to hear about it.

We seem to keep butting heads on this one. It depends on the state your in I guess. Fault does make a differnce in this state. We are also a no fault state but it can play a big factor.

Cheating on your spouse is not in the best interest of the childen. My personal opinion is that cheaters automatically get NCP status, since they have proven by example they will put themselves before the children. I've brought that up in days gone by, but many disagreed with me.

I'm so confused by the differnt opinions on this board. One person says cheating doesn't matter, another does. It seems as if the only thing you can count on in court is that the judge will do what they want to do, when they want to do it.

"It seems as if the only thing you can count on in court is that the judge will do what they want to do, when they want to do it."

That's exactly the way it is. Family courts are supposed to be the weakest in the land, but they have become the most powerful.

If you robbed a bank and were convicted, you would go to your sentencing hearing, and know exactly how much time you were going to prison. There are specific guidelines that cannot be deviated from. In family law, the laws are not black and white, any decision can be made, AND JUSTIFIED, because of the ways the laws are written.