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New at this sort of thing but here goes. Found out that my husband had an affair, I finally confronted him and his respond was "She was young and beautiful started a relationship and wanted to keep it going and still keep our marriage going, yet found that it was difficult to do". all said and done we decided to try to make our marriage work.
Couple of months have gone by and my gut feeling took over found out that he still continued to make contact with the OW, again I confronted him and says "it not me, but he's worried that with age reach the halfway mark, that his is missing out on all the opportunity that are out there adventure and excitment, where as living on this island is just closing in on him" I mentioned to him that I feel the same way and that everyday is no different from yesterday which he didn't realize that is how I felt but I am just tired of lies and dishonety from my husband. I have gotten stronger both physically and mentally on leaving him, I am in the process of cleaning out alot of my stuff from our home and have started looking for employment away from Hawaii. Am I doing the right thing should I try to save my marriage.

How long have you known him?

How long have you been married?

Any children together?

Have either of you been married before?

Met my husband back in 1986 (12 years) living together, married for 8 years this year 2006. It's one where there is his (2) and mines (3) kids none with this marriage although we now have grandkids together (14).

Yes, we both have been married before, this is our second. Funny you should ask, apparently his first marriage x-wife had an affair with one of his co-worker.

Is he willing to try counseling? If he isn't then you should still go just so you are clear as to wether it is worth staying or moving on. He cheated once before that you know of, he may have done it more often, you may never know. Cheating is a charecter flaw and you have to ask yourself if this is the kind of man you really want to spend your life with, a man you cannot trust.

There are no marriage counseling here where we live would have do some traveling for this, alot of our personal problems are usually kept between us.

Thanks for the advise, I need to do some much soul searching. This forum has taken some pressure off my mind, thanks again.

I won't tell YOU what to do....but what I would do (after being through similar in HI myself...)
Don't let the island mentality get to you, whatever you do! I lived in a TEEEEEENY town, and the community felt like the whole world. Options seem limited in a weird way, and sometimes it feels like 'the way it is - is the way it always will be.' NOPE NADDA WRONG!

I would put my foot down, tell him he will NOT cross the threshold of the home in disrespect of me or the kids, and will not be allowed back into the home until all issues are cleared.
I would file for legal seperation. I would then draw the line in the sand: counseling until issues resolved to the point of moving foreword...if he does not agree and follow through, I would let him know he will be served with divorce papers.

And - should he EARN his way back into YOUR home, and screws (no pun intended - well..maybe) up again...he will be on his butt with nothing but the clothes on his back and a big ol stack of divorce papers.

Let him know you respect yourself too much to be mistreated. IMO - that is emotional abuse. I thought I would go insane with worry over all the games and confusion of the affairS. I would NEVER allow anyone to put me through that again - no matter how much I love them.

BE STRONG - love him enough to show him you are not a force to be reckoned with!!!!!
TAWANDA! (LOL)

[quote] Cheating is a charecter flaw and you have to ask yourself if this is the kind of man you really want to spend your life with, a man you cannot trust. [/quote]

I agree. What is that saying " once a cheater always a cheater".

Not to mention all the diseases out there too.