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I have a stepdaughter who we have FULL custody of. The mother is trying to tell her that she can choose at age 12 to come live with her. Like so many other parents I have read here, the situation there is pie. She pretty much does what she wants, when she wants and has no discipline whatsoever. What child wouldn't want to live in a world like that. Of course, once she is back with us after the visitation, she calms back down and never even mentions her mother. Her mother is pumping her full of stories and lies. I could go on and on, but maybe this isn't the place to vent. Anyways, when she turns 12 can she just go to a judge and say where she wants to live? What is the process involved?? Will it be the same process when we got custody in the first place?? Please help, any advice is appreciated!

Thanks!

she can choose at age 12 but a judge would have to review and approve it. he could always say no.

This is my understanding that when you go back to court, you have to pay court costs that run about $150 to make any changes. So, if you are CP, I wouldn't pay it, and normally a 12 year old daughter doesn't have that kind of money. Now, the big question is, how likely is BM to put out that kind of money? So, if you won't pay it, daughter can't pay and BM doesn't pay it, nothing can be changed though the courts.

Thanks for your responses. The BM says that she has saved the money. I think that she is under the impression that the cost is substantially more than the $150 you have stated. But I have to wonder if she can't pay $21 a week in child support, how can she save any money, but that is neither here nor there. Is the process the same as getting custody though. After talking to my stepdaughter.. her exact words are the same today as they were 5 years ago "sometimes I want to live here and other times I want to live with my mom, it really depends on where I am having fun at". I appreciate your comments and look forward to hearing from you again and others!
God Bless!

The $150 is only for filing the papers with the court. Then, she is going to need to get an attorney too, so we are talking big bucks.

Just make sure that you have an attorney to represent you - it really makes a difference.

I'm sure that your attorney will bring up that she doesn't pay CS but has money to pay for court costs and her attorney. Courts don't like these types of situations.

Your stepdaughter's comment about wanting to live where it is fun just shows that she is too immature to be making a decision like this.

That makes a little more sense concerning the attorney. We all ready have an attorney that we used when we got Custody 7 years ago. So thats not a problem. Yes, it would cost us too, but its worth it to keep her safe. The BM all ready has a bad name with the court system over child support. She has been to court once a year for the last two years for not paying. She always seems to come up with the money before she has to report to jail. Of course that is her parents bailing her out. But anyways, your right, my step daughter is not mature enough to make that decision. I do not believe that a child should make a decision like that. Of course we will wait another year and see what happens.

Thanks for your response!

Yes the courts do take into consideration a childs wishes. A change of circumstances must be proven, if your husband is fighting this, and a child's wishes are part of that. Have your husband ask the lawyer for the list, it's quite long, on what is required.

Just curious as to why you don't want your stepdaughter to have a good relationship with her mother? I think at that age it would be very important for her to have a good relationship with her mom. I only heard child support child support...not an issue when it comes to custody. And what she does at her mom's (no rules, party party party) is really not your concern, and should never be mentioned in front of her that you don't approve. Now is the time to start watching everything you say, because the daughter will repeat it to the Guardian ad litem and/or the judge.

All you get for the $150 filing fee is re-opening your case, after that it will be $15,000 - $25,000 to fight it. I suggest letting her go, she will be back before you can count to $25000

Her first post didn't mention child support at all. She only brought up the child support when I mentioned it would cost $150 to open the court case - then lawyer fees. She was wondering where she was getting $150 when she wasn't paying child support. I think that is a fair statement.

Why would you think that she is trying to stop a relationship with the BM? I didn't see any indication of that - actually saw more of an indication that BM is trying to stop the relationship with BF and SM. Sounds more like child is trying to make BM happy by agreeing to the situation (can we say PAS) because when child is home, she isn't asking about going to live with BM.

In our situation, my step child wanted to live with us. Our lawyer told us that a judge will take into consideration what the child wants but it's in the best interest of the child. A child can't really decide because then you would have kids getting upset at one parent and wanting to go live with the other parent every other day.

I was told by an attorney that a child can no longer choose to live with either parent. The judge will speak to the child to see what her reasons are and consider them. But the parents background will play into his final decision.