OK, first I shall tell you a bit about myself as I am new here. I am (obviously) a mother, 34yo, divorced(1+ years fianl April 2004, separated March 2003-DV related). I met my former husband when I was not quite 16, married him at 23 (he was 31). Throughout our marriage, he was a major control freak, jealous, physically violent (on occasion), and abusive mentally, emotionally,financially. Unfortunately, for the most part, he has not changed. I am also the child of parents who got divorced when I was young. They fought over me like I was "a piece of furniture".
I filed for divorce Jan 30, 2003. He was removed from the marital home on 03/03/03. We have our share of court time with the DVO, violations of DVO, and of course the divorce. Once the final orders came through, he contested them. Each time not "winning".
Throughout ALL of this, I have tried so desperately to keep the children from being "put in the middle". Although I have not been perfect, I will admit to having muttered under my breath a few times about my frustrations. I do not belittle him(or his new wife) to the children, I try desperately not to discuss things with the children that should be otherwise discussed betweeen us(parents).
He on the other hand has and continues to say things about me, my family, my fiance, and my fiance's family. He has made statements such as "mommy lied to the police", "mommy lied to the judge", "mommy doesn't love me anymore", "mommy isn't nice to me so I'm not going to be nice to her", "they are not family and never will be", "mommy is mean and hateful", "mommy is going to end up just like Grammie", etc...you get the picture. These statements were told to me by my children, police officers, family members and friends. This has totally frustrated my oldest child (now 9). She is confused because she hears these things from him, I don't say/discuss things like this and the poor angel doesn't know what/who to believe. I have recently, delicately defended myself. I told her that I would never tell her who/what to believe...that I am so sorry she has been put in this position. I told her that I love her and so does her Dad, and that how she is feeling inside is exactly why I don't/won't discuss "adult things". My youngest angel (now 8) has gone "into her own world". She tries to escape into the world of TV, and has recently started showing anger towards me.
Anyhow...last Fall (2004) they came to me and asked if they could live with their father. After what I went through as a child of divorce, I thought about this long and hard. (remembering my parents custody battles over me). I thought more with my heart, hoping that perhaps he was "coming around" a bit. Well...I was wrong. I guess I need to stop being the "eternal optimistic".
He had come up with an agreement, it went before the judge and she approved it. He "has" them Sunday am (8:30) until Thurs (drop off at school), I "have" them Thurs after school until Sun am (8:30). (not necessarily limited to the prev) There are supposed to be "free and liberal extensions or variations of visitations with agreement of both parties and upon reasonable notice".
He then called me on my cell phone month later and requested to have every other Sat night as well. I requested another night during the week in return, but he would not put that "in cement" (yet I was supposed to) There were several Saturdays that I ended up having to let the angels go, as he was "making plans" and reminding them of such all week. Not wanting them in the middle...I'd let them go. There were also many other times they asked to go to their Dads...I let them go. Heck, there were times they wanted to go, I picked them up after shcool and had decided not to go. (of course, I somehow "changed their minds" according to him.
I have asked many times for a change and ended up being harassed in one way or other. He has made statements to the oldest daughter (while she was on the phone to me, asking me to walk her to school) "tell your mother that all she has to do is what I ask and she can have whatever she wants". My angel then yells at her father "It's not what SHE wants, it's what I want!"
He would not let the children go to their Great Grandmothers funeral (06/19/05). At first he said yes (I asked for 2 1/2 hours!)then the following day he said "you know, Sunday just isn't going to work. You have been so difficult to get along with, so mean, it's not very nice, is it?" (yeah...he said this in front of the children!)
He is also continues to tell me.."I miss you", "I miss our family", "I worry about you", "no one will ever love you as much as I do". He even called the other day to reminisce of a town we used to live in. Well...he and his new wife had stopped at a restaurant in this town on the way home from their honeymoon!
He has violated my Legal Custody...he made an appt with our oldest childs doctor because he is worried about her weight. I found out about said appt and at the end he said "this was my appt-not yours-you were not invited". Her doctor sent her to a nutritionist, I asked the doctor to notify me of when the appt was scheduled for. I never got notification! My former took her (and his then fiancee),my angel was confused as to why I wasn't there and sad because I wasn't. My former never told me about the follow up appt with the nutritionist. I DID go to that appt!!! It goes on, and on, and on. (there really is so much more!)
So, needless to say...I petitioned the court for a hearing, which is July 26, 2005. He figures that the agreement we signed (I mentioned earlier) is all that matters, that the final divorce decree is "out the window". I think he is in for a major surprise.
If you have taken the time to read this...THANK YOU! If you would like to comment/have questions/give ideas...I would love to hear! (please don't tell me I'm long winded...I already know this! lol)
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